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What Are Some of the Top D1 Players Go-To Drinks?

Uncle B. (Brennan O'Neil) - Guinness

We all know that Brennan is a fucking tank. Uncle B is living up to his nick name by guzzeling Guinness every weekend. Since Guinness tastes like straight crocodile piss mixed with jizz, I would expect nothing less from the Long Island Native. Rumor has it he shotguns one every time his dog shit goalie, Will Helm let's in a goal. Safe to say he was shitfaced during the Denver game. Guinness has a lot of protein and hops so that makes it easier for Unc to put the Blue Devils on his back. Don't be surprised if you see the Duke athletic trainers pouring a pint into Uncle B's water bottle every Saturday afternoon.


Tyler Sandoval- Truly

This guy is a PUSSY. I don't even have enough respect for this guy to say he drinks White Claws. Therefore, I will stoop as low as the always shitty, Truly. Imagine this, Luke Weirman bends you over for 3 consecutive hours and delivers hard anal, and then as a reward you get to go home and drink Wild Berry Truly's while trying to slide into Charlie D'amelio's Tik Tok dms. That my friends is a true reality for Tom and Jerry Sandoval this Saturday. You won't even get invited to the Kappa Kappa Gamma Victoria's Secret themed party. Cheers buddy.


Mitchell Pehlke- Raspberry Lemonade

This guy is a PUSSY. And no, I'm not talking about Raspberry Lemonade White Claws or Truly's, I'm talking about straight normal, virgin lemonade. Like the shit my 5 year old sister Sage drinks. Everyone loves Pehlks because of his YouTube and shit but the only thing funny about his channel is his dad. Bro is fucking hilarious and definitely sends harder than Mitch. Pehlke has been kicked out of the Pi Kappa Alpha, Sigma Phi Epsilon and Sigma Chi houses all in the past year for bringing his camera in and filming every fucking thing he sees. If u want to do that go fuck off and film another "Nothing But Net" challenge with Charlotte North. I'm sure she at least drinks stuff with alcohol in them. Point being, you don't want to invite Pelks to your party because he will either try to hook up with your girl, take a video of you hooking up with your girl or just sit in the corner drinking his raspberry lemonade wondering how he couldn't keep that smoke show track girl from Duke.


Owen Hiltz- Labatt Blue

Hiltzy is a true Candadian. Buddy slams brews, plays Chel and crushes American Spirits. He literally doesn't go to workouts or practices, but rather sits at home and crushes Labatt Blue. Labatt is a Canadian beer and fits Owen perfectly. This beer gives off the vibe of a middle aged guy who is going through a divorce, rarely shaves or showers, but still demolishes all of the competition in his over 40 league. That's pretty much Owen Hiltz. Labatt or American Spirit might as well give Hiltz an NIL deal at this point.


Connor Shellenberger- Corona

Oh glorious King Shelly, you are my king and will forever be in control of this majestic land. For those that don't know, Corona is Spanish for: Crown. That fits Shelly perfectly because he is the king of college lax. Bro is like gonna drop one hundred goals and then slam a 12er of Rona's and then go pump Lars Tiffany's daughter. He is the definition of Nelk. If Kyle didn't hire that clown Steiny, Shelly for sure would be sitting right next to Kyle, Salim and Steve. According to the Charlottesville Times, Shelly's nickname is "Shelly Will Do It" because of how much of a sender he is. I once saw a video on Reddit of him snorkeling 2 Ronas, then chugging a bottle of Svedka and then hitting a double blinker of the Apple Banana elf bar. Makes you wonder why is he is so good.


Christian Mulé- Red Wine

Chrissy is a man of class. For that reason, he is a huge red wine guy. Not sure if his last name is French or Scandinavian or some shit but it sounds elegant as fuck. He really liked blondes who got their bachelors degree and are pursuing a masters in nursing. More specifically he typically goes for Alpha Phi girls. I guess they give good dome piece or something. They also have a ton of class as well. When Mulé is dating, he is dating for marriage. A real stand up guy. Moms love him and dads hate him. Who wouldn't want to be like Chrissy?

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