top of page

Weekend preview: NJIT is gooning, I hate streaming services



Got a full slate of midmajor super bowls this weekend along with some great games, 2 coming on Sunday for a nice hangover cure. Been away for a little while, had a job interview with Blackrock but skipped it so I could watch YouTube shorts and sleep til 2 pm on my futon. Anyhow we have some good and some decent games this weekend so let's ride.


Great games:

Saturday

UNC/Johns Hopkins @12 (ACCNX)

Both teams coming in hot, Hopkins has actually played 4 good teams already so they should be in midseason form coming into Chapel Hill. UNC shitkicked Mercer and donkey fucked Fairfield, so without any real lacrosse the heels might be a little sloppy in the ride/clear especially and might have some trouble running a set offense against an actual defense not consisting of paraplegics. Dom pietramala should have like 7 points or else Dave is getting the paddle again. Tyler Schwarz, nice penis dude.


Denver/Cornell @2 (Denver bullshit streaming service)

Should be a good game as the Big Red travels west to take on a hot Denver squad who is an unapologetic 3-0 right now. Cornell reloads an already scary offense with freshman Willem firth, Luke Gilmartin, and AJ Nikolic and maintains LSM/Goalie mainstay Walker "Skeetshooter" Wallace who has been tearing up the middle of the field but not Alpha Phi. On a real note, Denver's streaming service is the most bullshit thing since a bull actually shat. I am not paying any amount of money to watch Denvers 7 home games. If only streameast had lax.


Maryland/Princeton @2 (B1G+)

Another STUPID streaming service that you have to pay for each individual Big 10 team, per month for home games. Plus production quality is awful, my good pal Sphinctus said they didn't even track the ball. Safe to say I will not watch this game but expect the frosh dynamic duo of Burns/kabiri to have another coming out party, whoever isn't guarded by Ajax will be piping Tillimans wife and the other his daughter. Maryland are actual contenders this year and I hope to see them put the tigers down like a dead dog, along with the rest of the IVY league.


Loyola/ Rutgers @1 (ESPN+)

This game might be a must win for both teams, both looking for their respective seasons to end in late may and I could honestly see it happening if either team can figure it out. Both are senior laden squads returning a ton of firepower, expect a 17-14 game in either direction. Shoutout Rutgers club lax, team full of nailguns.


Penn/Delaware@3:30

Good game down in the city of brotherly love to round out a nice Saturday. I don't think Penn will be in the tournament conversation until Leo Hoffman settles in, give it 6-8 games. Delaware reloads their potent offense that beat Georgetown 2 years ago and gave Duke fits this past spring. Expect mike "Shooting blanks" Robinson to have his way with whoever is guarding him, heard he hasn't slept in 72 hours leading up to Saturday after his ex gf cheated on him with Sam Handley last year. Sad stuff but sometimes the fire needs fuel.


Sunday

Notre Dame/ Georgetown @1 (ACCNX)

The first real test for the reigning champs, the fighting Irish rounded out their victory tour against Cleveland state and Marquette and are now ready to play a sober lacrosse game. At least I hope they are, because Georgetown is pissing blood in preparation to prove themselves. It's a long way out to South Bend, I hope the boys in blue brought their lunch pails and are ready to give me a good game by the time I wake up on Sunday. James Carroll is the best Gtown prospect out of Boston since Will Bowen fucked his math teacher. Him and ty banks look to run DC for the next 4.


UVA/ Ohio State @2 (ESPNU)

This should be a tuneup game for the Cavs, OSU is a fraudulent 4-0 with wins over Utah, Cleveland State, Bellarmine and Air Force. I expect Klöckner to be buzzing and the camera to pan to Mark Millon at least 6 times, maybe more if McCabe has like 5 points. Richmond managed to give UVA fits at times, If Nick Myers has half a brain he should figure out how to make this a good game ferda.


Good games

NJIT/Manhattan

NJIT has been essentially jelqing for 4 years, edging and retaining their seed to splooge all over this 2024 campaign. Just look at their stats, literally all seniors top to bottom in terms of points production. I can see them rounding out to a nice healthy 8-6, and maybe holding a candle to the top of the America East for the first and last time for awhile. Manhattan is looking for vengeance at 0-3 but at the hands of 3 tournament teams in Cuse, Princeton, and Vermont. I see this experience fueling the Jaspers and them sliding past NJIT in a weird, weird game.


Army/Mercer

God Bless our troops. Mercer is FUCKED.


Providence/Brown

A battle for the Renaissance City, neither team is looking particularly handsome. Expect this game to get chippy fast, I'll take McClane and tanner burns (beauty) in the octagon against providence's best duo. Brown could take advantage of a down year in the IVY league but I don't think providence is gonna be able to touch Denver or Georgetown in the Big East. Godspeed


Bryant/Quinnipiac

Battle of americas team vs americas team. Who will win and become the de facto americas team. Actually excited to watch this game, both squads are looking the best they have in years and riding high off of 3 good games each. I heard Luke Hendricks carries a BB gun in his bag.


Queens/Hampton

Included this to merely shit on both teams, Hampton should be NCJAA and Queens in D1 is like the homebound neighbor that you invite to Thanksgiving because you feel bad. When I talk to my comrade Ozzy about the worst d1 teams I legit forget to mention them because I forget they exist. I don't know if this game is being streamed tomorrow, nor do I care.


Michigan/Marquette

Michigan should have their way with these guys, I can see Kees Van Wees sliding to the point at the 14:55 mark in the 3rd quarter and delivering a concussing hit on Luke Williams. I hope it isnt true, but I know it is. I know the script.





710 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Bình luận


bottom of page