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Uva Vs Maryland: A preview. As well as what to expect from our favorite squads.

Updated: Mar 16

In a shitty Saturday of lacrosse, we have a diamond in the rough between these two. Always a fucking battle between these boys and I expect nothing less. My good friend Cosmo McChanceton will be on site in an Armani suit with an orange top hat, if you guys see him, give him a salute. I’m sitting here in my office, with my Lucchese boots on and a brand new Cesare Attolini suit that my secretary just had dry cleaned and I’m harder than a rock thinking about Zapps vs Shelly. Both are top 2 at their position. Last year I’d say Shelly lost the duel considering what we usually get. 3 points out of him is a bad game in my eyes. Harsh, but he’s one of the best so I expect more. It will be interesting to see, id give Ajax the edge here, his play style is the worst for Shelly. Not gonna break down analytics here like some shirt lifter over at IL(see Dan arestias tweet, you can’t make this shit up), but I think Ajax has the advantage. If Shelly drops 5 points, lock in a uva win. I’ll be watching on my 146 inch flat screen in my Miami condo as long as my fucking maid Alejandra or something takes care of the mess Chetty made Tuesday night.

On the other side, expect Kastner to be on Erksa most of the game. Wouldn’t be a huge surprise if wayer or Schroter takes the match up, but I think kastner is their number 1 currently. Again, advantage goes to the pole here. Kastner is built gorilla like, can reach the top shelf for the uva dance team when called upon. If Maryland wins though, Erksa needs to show up.

Faceoff dot advantage definitely goes the way of Maryland. I could see a 65% win rate for grandpa wierman. Ghobriel better be fuckin dialed right now, quad shot espresso and some angel dust around 11:00 should do the trick if he wants to beat wierman.

X factors for UVA: Kona Big Waves, payton Cormier, McCabe millon.

Cormier and McCabe are gonna have to help give Shelly some space. We know Cormier is scoring at least 4 but if he can dish a few, that’d make me love my wife for the first time since her early 20s. Had a dream a fortnight ago about me and Cormier riding on horseback into battle, very “the last samurai” like. We both died honorably, was fucking sick. Also had these jap women on our horns the whole time. Big fuckin country. McCabe should have himself a day, need to see him ball out against a good team, dont let me down McCabe.

X factors for Maryland: Logan Mcnaney, eric malever, David goggins.

Mcnaney is considered the best goalie in the country by many, but this year hasn’t looked like his old self. He hasn’t been bad, just hasn’t been ridiculously good. I must say I miss cousin rupp at times, but Mcnaney needs to prove me wrong. As far as malever goes, Erksa has been carrying this offense for the most part this year. The only other player im not mad at would be Molotov malever. Guy shows flashes of greatness but need to see him stepping up more. 3 goals for this guy and Maryland is a lock.

Look fellas who fuckin knows what’s gonna happen when these two play. It’s gonna be a heater that’s all we know for sure. Prediction for the score is…

14-11 UVA.

I think Shelly steps up in his final season against the terps. Will be close all game with uva pulling away at the end. If im wrong on this one I’ll spend the night at Dan arestias house. If you support some of these IL guys give us the unfollow you geriatric fucks.

In other news, expect Quinnipiac to fist Wagner with the fucking infinity gauntlet. Army will beat Lehigh by 86. Bryant will beat umbc with Johnny Hackett scoring 6. Drexel, who fuckin knows, depends how much tommy gun and McGill tug each other Friday night. Penn st with a bye week against Marquette. And lastly Harvard and Yale will end with an intense make out between many of their players, heard brandau is wearing a romper to class today.

About to spend some time with this Thai escort tonight in prep for Saturday. Her name is Aokbab. I’ll have a blast. Also landed a deal with some sheikh in Saudi this week, gonna snow in Miami all weekend gents.



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1 opmerking

Dan Arestia looks like the down syndrome version of Emile from Ratatouille. That ugly fat fuck only eats blue cheese crumbles out of Rabil's ass while carc jelqs on a couch while watching degnon and spallina highlights. Rumor has it that Declan Savage and Sean Sullivan from Yale's football team took Brandau to Paris on a red-eye at 3 am. Pretty fucking gay if you ask me.

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