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Transfer Portal Madness: Chetty’s thoughts

Sorry about the inactivity as of lately, the team has been on an absolute tear this summer and has been all gas no brakes up until now. My colleague Greg Swisher and I have been pounding coors light and tequila sodas while watching Penn State and Quinnipiac 2023 highlight compilations almost everyday. However I've been keeping up with the activity in the portal and there's a lot of interesting moves.

Josh Zawada, Michigan to Duke

I'm not sure if this guy got the fucking memo that Dyson Williams is going to be back. Zawada just set his ceiling for his final season to being Dukes best midfielder and their 4th option on Offense. I'm not sure why you don't just stay at Michigan and be the man ripping ched and getting any chick on campus. I mean what the fuck this guy is literally transferring to tie Uncle B's cleats.

Chris Mulè, Lehigh to Syracuse

This is a great move for the Nailgun out of lehigh, crafty finisher, loves Wine Wednesday's, and loves hot sorority girls. I see this as a perfect fit and Mulè should immediately be starting on Syracuses attack. I've heard first hand from multiple sources he has already been siding in to all of the Alpha Phi girls dms and is gearing up for a massive year for the Orange. Cheers Chris!

Jack Boyden, Tufts to Virginia

Boyden is the fucking man, guy is all gas no brakes and will rip ched with one hand on you and then spend the night with your girl. I expect this d3 nescac legend to be King Shelly's new partner in crime and cause problems in the Acc. A massive get for the hoos and watch out if your girlfriend goes to UVA.

Sean Donnelly, Drexel to Penn State

Following the footsteps of former Drexel legend and now Penn State legend Brent Mcvicker, this guy is an animal. The red rocket can spray the ball from anywhere and will be a great addition after the Nitts lose Kevin "two pump" Winkoff. I'm confident this guy will be a force and will help bring the Nitts to glory in 2024.

Chayse Ierlan, Brandon Avilles to Hopkins

Bro, these guys don't even eat box and are burnt out. In all honesty I thought these guys were future tampa legends but I guess we shall see.

Devon "Noise Complaint" Mclane, Brown to Notre Dame

With the Irish losing a few beauties, they reload with one of the most beloved players and hardest partiers in the land. I expect this guy to at Finnies almost every night tearing it up and then ripping ched for the Irish the next day. Absolutely pumped to see this guy in an Irish uniform. Cheers Devon!

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