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6 D1 coaches who wheeled the most birds

John Odierna, Cuse

Young enough that Jordan Vincent’s APhi girls ask about his ‘friend’, but old enough to need a blue pill to get it up. John Odierna is a great addition to the Syracuse staff and an even better guy to run a two man with. He had no problem getting girls back to the room at Gettysburg, his issue was that they would leave after he pulled out and tried explaining the importance of not getting drifted at X. Happily married now but the game still lives within. Love seeing young bulls getting into the coaching realm. 

Lars Tiffany, UVA 

40% of Brown students now identify as LGBTQ, but that's only since Lars left. I mean just look at this stud. All the girls would ooh and ahh as Lars flexed his muscles to dig holes on the Pembroke quad. He would turn the lesbians straight and the straight ones his followers. The only thing holding him back from being the next Ghengis Khan of repopulation was that he had no idea how to talk to girls, and was frankly afraid of them. All his life, he talked to the buffalo, and the buffalo would talk to him. This led to Freshman Lars having a bad streak of 200+ lb girls, since he felt ‘more comfortable’ with them. Everything clicked for Lars at an away game vs Virginia, when he saw his first sundress. The rest is history. Go wahoos.

Taylor Wray, St Joseph's

Maybe the freakiest on the list and the most diverse body of work as well. While at Duke, he loved getting the duck butter licked off his grundle after a long day at practice, and those microwave burritos that make you shit yourself. Wray loved making the short drive to NC state to have Mandingo Parties with their indoor track team. However, he had an existential crisis after a 5’3 latina asked him to give her a ‘Cosby Sweater’. He looked it up, was horrified, and then went back to Koskinen to do alley approaches and cone drills. 

Kevin Warne, Georgetown

The only other white guy in history to wear a pair of Jordan 13 besides Jason Williams, Kevin Warne probably has more sneakers than he does bodies. Thats chill though because Georgetown is a Jordan school (sick) and ty banks goes there #Nailgun. I hear Warne had his heart broken by his first college girlfriend, and proceeded to hit 10,000 hours of wallball over the course of the next summer. It was also this summer that he got his hands on his first pair of J's. These gave him a hugely inflated ego, so he came back in the fall and banged all of his ex's friends. At the same time. With the Jordans on. Definitley someone I would want to play for.

Bill McCutcheon, Wagner

The chicks love the hair, the chicks love the vibe. Bill McCutcheon has a monster hog and an even bigger aura. After spending a year playing at Hopkins, Big Bill McCutcheon left to pursue a degree at the less academically esteemed Towson University. Was he flunking out? No. Was it a team issue? Not at all. Bill had simply banged all the chicks at Hopkins, and needed some new ones.  He has since settled down at Wagner and lowered his standards of play and of women, but has kept the same flow that got him to where he is today.

Shawn Nadelen, Towson

The neck. The Girth. The power. Shawn Nadelen has the second thickest neck in the NCAA only to Gary Gait. I know this because the two measured their neck circumferences pregame on Sunday in a lower level Dome bathroom together, which isn't even close to the weirdest thing Nadelen has done in a Dome bathroom. He has some crazy stories from his time at Hopkins, you just need to get him a dozen beers deep and they come flowing out. Nadelen definitely could bench two plates at 15 and had double digit bodies by 16. Regardless, Nadelen is a straight up hoss, probably wears carhartt pants to church and only drinks Black Rifle Coffee. Good day to be his wife, bad day to be a viagra.

If any of you guys happen to see Kelly Mulligan, go give him a rip of your pen. He deserves it. 

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