Well boys I’m back to it. Summer time is when I couldn’t give less of a shit about lacrosse and want to focus on my booze and my blow. Maybe some chicks but my horn doesn’t work the way it did in my 20s. Ares and I just finished up our montauk bender, thanks for the house dad, and I’m just ready to talk about aj Pilates leg tattoo and Jordan Vincent’s first week with new sororities. Hey siri play some nickelback while I write this.
Before all of that, it’s time to talk about the failing league known as the PLL. Look, I love some of the players, but I have zero interest in this shit. You know how hard it is to ask the sexy bartender to put on the Whipsnakes vs waterdogs game? I can’t look a bird in the eyes and ask that question. Even asking a dude that question, it makes me feel lesser than him. Sure I make 20 times his annual income in a week, but good lord I sound like a pussy. Why can’t we have cool mascots. Thanks paul Rabil and rj kaminsky. Next up, it’s the fact that betting on this dumpster fire league is impossible. It’s 7 different all star teams and anyone can win any game. Needed more teams before you gave them cities. How many guys are there that i actually enjoy watching just sitting around eating soggy jersey mikes subs on the “does not travel” list or whatever the fuck they call it. This league has potential don’t get me wrong, but this is going to decline more and more. The fan base consists of 6 year olds and washed up sweet lax coaches who think they could be out there. #Burnouts Sorry to you 6 year olds, but this league won’t be around long if this continues. Besides, it’s way cooler making 6 figures at your dad’s firm than this BS. I’ve maybe watched 30 seconds of a game when I was looking at other channels. The biggest issue is the lack of personality this league has. Garrett epple is the biggest loser on the planet and they make him out to be Kam fucking chancellor. Most exciting player was gaudette and of course, Rabil blacklists him.
I don’t want to shit on the players, I want them to play in a league people can give a fuck about but this is just fuckin brutal. At least NLL games give you 50 cent beers and the single mothers put out like crazy post game. I’ve heard buffalo parking lot orgies are a must.
On the bright side, fall ball is here. Ryan “donkey dick” duenkel has spent 8 days at trin getting to know the owners daughter. Lars Tiffany has performed zero coaching so far this year, he’s showing up to classes with his wooden twig to impress people and get on TV. Army has been strangely quiet as of late, they must be cooking something crazy, hill plunkett’s hazing routine is getting run over by an Abrams tank and getting shot in the leg once a week. You can’t teach tough. Duke is probably practicing their satanic rituals with all their blackrock alum and big danowski is starting to realize he’ll be fired in a year or two. Billy Dwan ate a fucking rhinoceros and trained with samurai over the summer so expect big things at cuse. My early season prediction for Drexel is that hairy mozzarella Fogo kid will join a band called the pigeons this fall. And last of course, I bet every Ivy League team is touching zero bag and having emotional talks with their boyfriends. God your parties must be the worst experience. Practice is pointless I’m guessing notre dame wins every game by 30 this year.
Take care gents, the articles will be returning and hopefully my wife’s sex drive.
Greg
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