Here at Upperdecky HQ there are two things we are certain about. Jack Posey would make a great son, and it was snowing in happy valley last night. That’s gotta be the worst way to start a game in lacrosse history and still manage to get a dub. All that being said, we can for sure say Penn state is back.
Starting with the obvious, fuck yale. Bunch of soft handed pussies with an average age of 27 on their roster. They haven’t been cool since Jack Tigh was there, guy could sling it. Hope you queers enjoy your wine tasting party with the women’s rowing team later. Idk how Ivy League parties work, I guess just classical music and arguing over whose dad is richer. Penn state on the other hand, a bunch of hog wrastlin, cow wranglin, wood choppin, hard nosed, cowboys. Brandau just had an aneurism over the way I spelled some of that. TJ Malone gaped yales defense all 2nd half and did not look back. He slapped Andy Shay across the face with a strong scent of dr squatch wood barrel bourbon and the right hand of god. Ethan “The Prairie Maverick” Long put up another 5 points to help lead this offense. In OT Jake Morin came up huge and finished the job. 1st half Penn state could be beaten by my summer league squad, 2nd half Penn state can sally smack Maryland in the big ten ship. Cannot forget Jack Fracyon going absolutely nuclear in the 2nd half. Stood on his fuckin head at times. Joe “Mr handsome” calandrino will show up soon enough, don’t worry kids. Traynor had a quiet day with only two beanos but brother Malone picked up the slack. Shoutout to Jeb Brenfleck, name of the year nominee. I must say, not seeing Kevin Winkoff out there hurts the soul. Guy was an all around stud for the nits. He just seemed to show up. Probably the only exciting thing going on in the PLL right now is Big Winks and the older Traynor lighting it up.
Get Brent McDicker a few four lokos and a hooker tonight gents.
At the end of the day, the big ten is looking like the best conference in lacrosse currently other than the MAAC. Cornell up next for Penn state, let’s remember nits, no blow on Friday’s.
Other than this heater of a game, Drexel beat sacred heart led by the lizard Tomak and possible Upperdecky freshman of the year, Gavin Kelly. McGill in net with 13 saves as well. I swear to fuck I know you boys have a game in 3 days but make some mistakes tonight. Cole kluepfel just bought a new red vuse, shoutout cole.
Bryant is back on track Johnny Hackett is a legend of the game already and laliberte could sleep with my wife.
Quinnipiac, well, you already know fellas. Have yourselves a night. Heard some pacc alums got into a bit of a scrap with some Merrimack parents. We know who won that fight. Guess those pussies at Merrimack can’t handle a few chirps. The pack are a FUCKING WAGON.
Cheers fellas,
Greg
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