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Maryland skull fucks Cuse in OT to end a hard faught thriller inThe Dome

Wow, just wow. This game was fucking electric from the jump. If any of you guys tapped into my friend Greg Swisher’s recent article, “Bryant? Cuse vs. Maryland: A Preview, and Notre Dame committed a war crime” you would have seen that he was bricked up the whole week in anticipation of this Cuse vs. Maryland game. I would be lying if I wasn’t caught jelqing and gooning in the back of my cubicle all week as well. If you don’t know what those terms are, please go get a fuckin job you rat bastard. Now, onto the game.

On the Maryland side of the ball, Cousin Erksa and Zappitello proved why they are two of the best guys at their respective positions in the country. Big Dick Braden absolutely took his balls out of the freezer and dragged them all over Riley Figuera’s bitch ass. Erksa’s scrotum is  going to be buried under the Dome and will probably be gargled on by several of Syracuse’s finest whores. I heard Tillman is booking the whole La Quinta Inn tonight so the guys can get some much needed rest. Or just some fire downtown Syracuse hooker pussy. 

Zappitello shoved his Ajax right down Spallina’s throat all game, holding him to a goal and two measly assists. And by his “Ajax”, I am referring to his 18 inch All-American Portland, Oregon hammer cock. 

Onto the Syracuse side of the ball, the Orange really played a great game all around but just couldn’t get it done in crunch time. They proved that they are not fraudulent and can play big boy B10 lacrosse. I think I saw Gary Gait’s mushroom tip poking through his grey khakis every time Rhoa and Leo scored a goal. Those two were fucking phenomenal tonight and totally had an eight ball in their sock all game and did a line off of Birtwhistle’s ass at halftime. Mason Kohke clearly did a few key bumps before the game and proved once again that D3 actually is a thing. 

Carc mentioned Yorktown well over three times throughout the game so I was pleased to hear all of that bullshit. In classic Carc fashion he interrupted Cotter every other word which made the game that more unbearable to listen to. The Charlotte North cameo at halftime made my dick shrivel up inside my body, I hope I can get a boner soon. I need play. I am in a drought. 

All in all, I am going to get so belligerently drunk that I end up in jail. Good tidings.

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