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Marcus's Week 7 player spotlight: Ty English, UNC

Wow, second straight week of having a North of the border beauty as my player spotlight, I guess the Molson really is a cheat code. This week we have Ty English, a stud UNC d-mid. He's a great looking dude, I would definitely let my step niece Persephone date him.


A product of Culver Academy, Ty has been ripping ched since playing house league box in Oakville. Some say he peaked in Bantam, but I would disagree. Just look at his hidden ball trick against High Point last week, like fuck. That made me rub my pants a little bit. Ty was a stud at Culver and definitely had his pick of colleges to go to. I heard he wasn't feeling UNC on his visit until Breschi intentionally left him and a ROCKET blonde alone in his office for an undisclosed amount of time. Legend has it that Ty "put a little English on it" if you know what I mean ( he gave her a facial). UNC has been a great fit so far for Cousin Ty, he's been killing it on the field so far for the heels with 10 cto, 22 gb, 4g, and 1a on the season. Some say his success came from training with his dad in the offseason, but I think the real reason is that he moved into the Chi Omega house to start the semester. He is playing balls out, and living balls out. I hear he's bagged every blonde in the province of Ontario, and has had to make the trek out to Manitoba to get with his new tinder matches. Wouldn't be surprised if he just pulls up, whips out his guitar, shreds a little "O Canada", and goes to town. However, even the great Achilles had his heel. Ty is allegedly dust at Super Mario Smash bros, but if that's your greatest weakness, then fuck, you're a beast. He might need to improve his pregame routine, I hear he likes to trip off a tab and play pin the tail on the donkey with Grant Pierce. Once he addresses this Ty will be an unstoppable force for the heels. Cheers Ty!

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