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Marcus's week 11 player spotlight: Jack Brennan, Maryland

Wow this guys a real upstate beauty. Coming in around 6'3" and 14 stone, this guys mustache alone tells you that this guy crushed Bud light (before the incident). He's been a mainstay for the Terrapins for his 4 years in college park and seems to have another year of eligibility left. I loved watching him at Irondequoit, he could really score at will. I would always head over to their games after seeing my mistress in Fairport, I remember him scoring a nasty goal on Sutton boland which made me bust. Sneaky athletic and able to get his hands free, he's scored 16 points this year for a terps squad that is fighting to hold on after Russell Melendez showed em whos daddy.

I mentioned that he is athletic, but that wasn't always the case. According to a 2015 Inside Lacrosse analysis of Brennan, aka Johnson, "He has great field sense and vision with a high lacrosse IQ. He is a smooth dodger and is precise at feeding both right and left, and is crafty off ball as well. Most obvious strength is ability to initiate and distribute. Most obvious weakness is athleticism." Fuck off Ty Xanders, you fraudulent bastard. We all know you hook up with recurits moms to give them 5 stars. Like some of these fuckin mickey mouse 5 stars are worse than my cousin Benedict who is a triple amputee and literally doesn't have a right hand. Ty Xanders must've gotten the craziest dome from AJ Nikolic's mom, like bro. I'm not mad that you're doing it Ty, I'm mad that you thought of it before I did. Nonetheless, Jack "Johnson" Brennan has opps and he's consistently putting them down. Heard that this guy is a huge OT megan fan, what a day to be alive!

Things Jack Brennan is good at:

- Angry Birds

- Keg stands

- Consuming large amounts of chicken wings

- Selecting a proper valentines day gift for a girl he just met

- Lighting a fire with limited materials

Things Jack Brennan is not good at:

- Playing golf

- Being a Bills fan

- Performing an eiffel tower on a chick with Logan McNaney (the height difference makes it virtually impossible)

Excited to see what Johnson can get done this rest of the year, especially with Braden Erksa, who was recently named Big 10 rookie of the year. I hear Erksa strictly sticks to blondes ever since getting hemorrhoids from a brunette at IMG. I'm sure Erksa and Brennan can hit a three way with Ross Scotts girl if they beat Rutgers on Saturday, but nothing is for certain there. Alls I know is that Jack Johnson Brennan is a certified nailgun and could get with my daughter. Cheers!

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