Preston Carmichael Prescott III here with our second DIII POW of the 2023 season!
This one goes out to a sleeper pick — Jamie “Jame-O Jamie” O’Neil out of SUNY Oneonta. This ass-smacker is a 6-3 first year from Bath NY, and is NOT to be mistaken by Bud-Heavy Brennen by any means, although their builds are somewhat comparable from a divisional perspective. Anyways, this kids only a freshman and had a 6G, 2A performance two games ago, and topped it off with another 6G performance just 48 hours later — not to mention, I heard through the grapevine that he he was crushing Lagunitas IPA's with the volunteer assistant the entire time. That's the 48 hour rule... right? He also had 5 goals against Skidmore, a team that absolutely penetrated his Oneonta Dragons and are way better than them. He's that good. This kid ABSOLUTELY PULLS, and most certainly got neck from multiple sorority chicks following both of these multi-goal outings this past week.
Yes, these games may have been against Perkins School for the Blind and The Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good and Who Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too, but this kid is a future AA if he keeps up these efforts. Whether that’s All American or Alcoholic’s Anonymous participant, I’m not quite sure. That’s up to you, Jame-O Jamie.
What I AM nearly 100% sure about is that Jameson Jamie likes to fucking booze, pack 6% lowey corners and upper decks, slay beav, and potentially even smoke cigarettes post-win. I mean, first off, let's just take a glimpse the kid. He literally looks identical to a tall-boy raspberry twisted tea in his roster photo. Better yet, he chose Oneonta of all places. I’m no upstate expert, but I’m pretty sure that’s where you go if you wanna party with chicks (mostly soft sixes), have a good time, and occasionally snort mysterious powders on Wednesday & Thursday evenings. LFG Jameson Jamie — keep being the best, brotha.
Submissions are already being welcomed in for next week!
-Intern Pres
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