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Incoming Freshmen I am most excited about

Cole Kleupful, G, Drexel

Bit of an under-the-radar guy, but a future Drexel legend. He will transform the team culture at Drexel and bring the Dragons glory, this is a win-lose we booze kind of guy that I believe the Dragons need. Not to mention he is a brick wall in the fucking net and loves to talk shit, he's also coming off a legendary summer with the Suffolk Sluggers and will look to get after it upon arriving to campus.

Anderson Moore, G, Georgetown

Better known as the pride of the South, this guy gives no fucks. I watched the UA all-American game and Anderson had to have pulled some Geebs before going out there. He ripped like 20 shots as a goalie proudly representing the South in the Confederate grey uniform. I can only imagine what is going to go down if he ever goes out in DC with current Hoyas legend Kade "fucked your bitch" Goldberg.

Joe Calandrino, Penn State

There's not much to be said here, Upper Decky Athlete, probably a protein shake away from being Mr Olympia, is great on both sides of the ball. I think everyone is anxious to see this guy mog people on the field and then party all night at Pike. The blue-collar beast is literally bench-pressing over 100 pounds more than everyone on the team and is already sleeping in the ZTA house.

Stevie Finnell, Duke

The Garden City midfield Legend is going to tear it up at Duke, another player in that pipeline, Stevie is a fucking unit. This guy is that Blue Collar, caveman, hard-nosed, plastic bottle whiskey drinker type of guy that Duke needs badly and gives them that different type of edge. His GC career speaks for itself, Dynasties in both of the sports he played and apparently had some good times with his math teacher. Watch out for Stevie.

Owen Duffy, UNC

Infamously known for committing to UNC for the number of blondes that went there, Duffy is on another level. He is the star attack man the heels need and is going to be ripping fucking ched all year long. My early pick for acc rookie of the year.

We still have sick shirts.

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