How my 5 Worst Teams finished the year!
- Oswald Van Bismark
- May 2
- 2 min read
Hampton (0-15)
Holy fucking fuck, I honestly did not know it was possible to lost 15 games in one season, but here we are. Hampton has proved everyone right and finished yet another year without a win. They have also lost their head Coach, Chazz Woodson, to the LinkedIn community. Get ready to learn fundamentals of accounting motherfucker! They will have better luck finding a coach if they post up on the corner next to a Waffle House and hire the first person that accepts a Strawberry-Mango rechargeable Hyde and a laced 8-ball.
Mercer (2-11)
Since the last post, the Bears ended the year with a 1-4 record, which is quite dog shit if you ask me. Along with Hampton, they also need to clean house and hire the first person they can find in Macon, Georgia, without a restraining order and a pair of front teeth. Mercer continues to put out one of the worst products of lacrosse each year, but my god do they have drip out the ass. Pause. Yes, their helmets are sick as fuck and their jerseys look like they were dipped in Sean Goldsmith’s bodily fluids.
Wagner (1-13)
Another year, another colossal disappointment for the pride of Staten Island. Despite going 1-13, they did have a very impressive win over LIU back in March. That still does not change the fact that they suck camel dick and will never be better than your most average MIAA Jv squad. They have been known to party like motherfuckers and go harder than a brickmason in Neolithic China cira 5000 BC. I just hope the Seahawks don’t try to put their coach up for sacrifice because it clearly was not his fault, as this team is loaded with talent, I mean, their leading scorer barely had 30 points. Jk you guys are fucking ass.
Merrimack (3-10)
These guys are clearly the best on this list, but by no means does that mean they are good. Their two leading scorers, Colin Kreuger and Casey Herod, are known nailguns, but their efforts were not enough as this team looked like they were drunk every game. Yes, it was the coach's first season, but nobody expected this level of debauchery from the Warriors. I guess that's what happens when one of your players yells a racial slur at one of Native American descent, leading to the complete upheaval of the program.
Canisius (6-10)
Definitely not one of the worst teams in the country, but I hate them so they will be on this list as long as I am slanging dick on this spinning rock. Speaking of rock, the Griffs have never sniffed any and are never in a niche and interesting place like my buddy Jaxley’s basement. They did finish third in the MAAC, but that meant absolutely nothing when they lost to Quinnipiac in the conference tourney, knowing that the Bobcats purposely laced their Gatorade bottles because they would much rather be trapping in Hamden.
GET YOUR MERCH ⬇️⬇️
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