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Grittiest D3 Teams


Gritty ass team coming out of Ohio. These guys have been a force to be reckoned with in the NCAC the last couple of years and I don’t see them slowing down anytime soon. They have the resume on the field, but what I want to highlight are their antics off of the field. These gentleman will piss on any breathing female in sight and then rip some nose pot simply because they love the game. Denison mens lax is ranked #2 in the country for most drugs done, only trailing Colorado (Boulder). The fellas will literally ship in blow from all across the country and world to the rolling hills of Ohio just to satisfy the needs of their nostrils. The nickname “Big Red” is no more. I now present you the Denison “Sherpas” because of all of the bag these guys carry around. 

Saint John Fisher

Gritty ass team coming out of Upstate. The Cards had a historic run last year after beating Wesleyan (gay) and St. Lawrence (even gayer) in the NCAA tourney en route to their first Elite 8 appearance. This is a group of guys that leave everything out on the field and love the game for the right reasons. If you were to ask former Fisher legend Sam Miller when the keg race was, he would reply with, “its the weekend where we all link arms and give everything we have for each other, pretty sure its that weekend”. The Cards literally eat dirt and concrete smoothies for breakfast, punch windows, and jerk off in motor oil to get tougher. This team is so gritty that a kid would decommit and go to some school like Loyola, simply because his balls didn’t swing low enough and his cock didn’t steer to the left at all. The Cardinal craze is not for the weak. 


Gritty ass team coming out of Maryland. I don’t know much about this program but my buddy Yohan told me that these guy fuck like racehorses and drink like orcas. Stevenson has always been a solid program that cares about the game. Not sure what the female situation is in Owings Mills but I don’t doubt that Grant Zick is going out there and getting his own. Toga parties and Tri Delts are keeping this team going. I loved their gritty upset over Union in the tourney and the fact that the NCAA suspended the kid who scored the OT winner because he hit the “Dead Fish” celly is complete bullshit and proves that they are a liberal quazi ponzi scheme. 


Gritty ass team coming out of Pennslyvania. The Mules do a fuck ton of drugs for all of the right reasons. They are finding white and talking about faith with one another on any day that ends in Y. From Meth Monday to Fent Friday, all the way to Suck-Me-Dry Saturday, these guys are always exactly where they need to be. A group that loves Edgar Allen Poe as much as a blonde smutt that they can all share. The fact that they have Michael Drago (brother of Cuse legend Tommy Drago) proves that this group of Mules are willing to fuck anything that has a pulse. I wouldn’t be surprised if they all gave up on lacrosse and went to hike the Appalachian Trail with nothing but a Diet Coke and sock on their dick. 


Gritty ass team out of Massachusetts. Also the smartest team out of this group. Also the team that fucks the loudest. And edges the longest. And will have your girl reciting Hammurabi’s Code while getting analy raped by a gaggle of silverback gorillas from behind. The Beavers are a group of renaissance men who have been know to dissect  the fertile land of Mesopotamia before intercourse, and blame it on “their love for the unseen body of pre-colonial woman and the polical spectrum indigenous peoples and tribes”. The nickname Beaver is quite ironic because these men don’t refer to a woman’s snatch as a beave, but rather will use the term “lady parts” or “female genitalia”. “Yo Whitacker, did you get entangled in Trixie’s lady parts last night? Yeah bro it was uncanny for all the right reasons and made me want to venture into the depths of Valhalla!” Cheers. 

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