Providence
Gritty ass team coming out of Rhode Island. They haven’t been the most successful team in recent year but Bobby “Fuck your bitch” Benson is getting them right and I see the Friars pushing for that auto-bid in the next couple of years. Really cool area tbh, and the girls there are pretty cool as well. Lot of blonde rockets that will have your toes throwing up gang signs every Friday night. The girls refer to themselves as “classy whores” because they will let you spend the night, get you a Dennys “Grand Slam”, empty your balls and send you home in an Uber XL. The fact that Michael Spaziano and Luca Meola are lurking around campus means no father should be sending his daughter to Friar Town anytime soon. This roster is loaded with nailguns and they party and fuck harder than a brick mason is neolithic China circa 4400 B.C.
Delaware
Gritty ass team coming out of Delaware. I personally hate going to the fucking state of Delaware because the only thing to do there is jack off in a Longhorn Steak House bathroom or rip sober key bumps at my nephew Axel’s tourney at the all heralded DE Turf Sports Complex in Frederica, DE. Aside from that, the only other positive in this state is the Delaware men’s lax team and the blonde Alpha Phis that are suction cupped to the fellas’ balls every weekend. This team is quite loaded with talent from top to bottom every year and are one Championship Weekend appearance away from being a mid major powerhouse. They have a fuck ton of Canadians on the roster for some reason and I love that. An average night out with one of these guys consists of some Tim Hortons foreplay followed by some maple syrup tapping (passionate sex).
Utah
Gritty ass team coming out of the mountains. After getting tongue punched in their anal cavity by Duke this past May, the future looks bright for the Utes. Not sure what the female status is up in Salt Lake City, so I wouldn’t be surprised if they are all either dating their cousins, soaking with Mormon chicks, or soaking with their cousins who happen to be Mormon chicks. I bet these guys consume a fuck ton of hard liquor and do rails of coke every time they match on Tinder with a fiery BYU girl. Rumor has it a lot of their recruits commit on their plane ride up there because they look out the window and see the ski trails, and instantly get reminded of how many lines they can do every weekend. Please fellas, don’t have a ring by Spring, for the love of god. Or should I say Brigham Young.
Albany
Gritty ass team coming out of New York. Dirty Albz is probably the grittiest team on this list and for good reason. They had Notre Dame on the ropes in May but I heard Marr told them to get their foot off the gas or Silas Richmond and Ron John weren’t going to be allowed to Eiffel Tower Corrigan’s auntie postgame. Honestly that is respectable because they still lost and I’m betting that the guys still ran the Dane Train on any willing participant in the greater South Bend area. If any of you guys have been to SUNY Albany then you know the place is littered with dirty whores who will do just about anything for a nickel and a Tootsie pop.
Marist
Gritty ass team also coming out of New York. Sneaky team every year that might fuck around and get an auto bid. Their coach that has been there since the Louisiana Purchase finally decided it was time to search for a another job that had “winning” in its description. No shade to the red foxes, but they aren’t what we like to call a juggernaut. The party scene there seems pretty solid and the girls there seem to be polishing the brass on the Titanic quite often: always going down, if you know what I mean. Not sure about the bag touching going on in Poughkeepsie, but I think a lot of LSD and Acid is being done. Keeps the guys as calm as a Hindu cow on game day, especially when they make the trip to Wagner (fuck that place). All in all pretty gritty team that will skull fuck your girl and then get the 16 seed in the tourney.
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