Earlier than usual but I'm hung nuts right now following a solid st pattys day weekend. Spent the night with a few Malaysian hookers I found in downtown Chicago and my pecker is on fire, forgot to wrap it last night. My son Gunnar is getting fat ever since I forced him to quit lacrosse. I think that's an early sign of being a loser, not sure, but look at arestia.
Hm: Bryant, Colgate, Princeton, UNC, Kalman Kraham
20. Pike at Virginia Tech
These puppies get a spot in the top 20 after I recently found out they are basically the club team at Tech. Pike is notorious for loving cocaine and sharkeys at tech. Won’t name names here, but good lord I met a few of em and every one of them had a baggie in their socks. Go pike. (Or Dsig they’re cool too.)
19. RIT
Okay I know it’s D3 but these gorillas just beat tufts by 5. Glazed tufts last week so these boys get the same treatment. Can’t name a player on the squad, but d3 is still cool sometimes.
18. Drexel
Bruh. Serious fuckin work needs to be done boys. I think it’s time we see that guy whose last name rhymes with collar on the field at attack. Wagon status is fading I’ll be on site this weekend in cville to watch the drags. Sit and reach record and now a keg stand record, bet the women are super excited when you let them know that one. Durkins retirement may have saddened the boys, I’ll give them another excuse. No more fucking drugs on Fridays. Drew McGill got new glasses recently guys, please give him a compliment unlike his hairy doucher of a roommate.
17. Michigan?
Just got fucking raped by notre dame but it was st pattys weekend so a bit unfair. If they lose next week against Maryland expect them to be out of the top 20.
16. Harvard
Oh boy fellas now that conference play has begun I’m expecting a big drop off. These pud pullers are in a shitter after losing to brandau. Imagine losing to him and having to watch him snuggle up with Rabil at midfield. I will say, I thought they’d lose by more. At least these fucks aren’t all 27. Still tough though go find a safe space on campus after reading this one boys.
15. Rutgers
Knobby carried again. Might not be that good but it’s Rutgers. Gotta love em.
14. Richmond
Okay I’m not sure what just fucking happened in that game but a vision quest is due for these guys. Dalton your girlfriend is actually a great person I will no longer try to convince you to date my daughter except on days like today, give her a chance man I could use a son in law like you. Heard Madonna is in a slump with the ladies right now, once he gets back up on his horse expect a win streak.
13. Cornell
Bit of a leap for these guys, good win over Princeton today, was actually enjoyable to watch. Only reason I haven’t started a war upon the Ivys.
12. Denver
Mickey Mouse team with a Mickey Mouse win. Still pretty irrelevant, don’t expect much from these frauds.
11. Yale
I will hate these kids until my dying breath. Found out thomas bragg is still there too, he’s gotta be at least 26 by now like what the fuck? You’re at yale shouldn’t you be a doctor by now guy? Brandau was seen yanking his horn to a picture of Jack Starr holding up the natty post game. Merlot and cheese boards with the women’s rowing team, so sick bros!!!
10. Georgetown
They’ll win the big east im almost certain at this point. Heard they’re gonna stop boozing until the end of the year, either going to be disgusting or the blue balls will fuel them to another first round exit. Bundy is a terrorist with the ball in his twig
9. Quinnipiac
The Donnery brothers must have found some blow straight from fucking Medellin. 12 combined points and the Wagner moms were flooding the 3rd level of the bleachers for these two. Mason “Jordan Belfort” Oak better win defensive player of the week again or I’m going to commit war crimes in Sudan. Delucia still makes the number 10 the best in the sport. Writing this bit with my right hand, tuggin to a picture of a bobcat with my left.
8. Johns Hopkins
Okay I thought this squad was legit after beating uva, but now they’re just crumbling a bit. Xavier Arline just looked like prime fuckin mikey sowers out there and he had football practice before the game. Navy will never be army, L school. Melendez better write a new fucking song soon or this team is gonna be playing against guangdong next season.
7. Maryland
Won’t hate too much, played uva close. Actually retarded though seeing Mcnaney hate on twitter right now. Dan arestia posting some shit about his clearing ability idk. Dan you try doing that you Gordita crunch supreme. You’re fat, smelly and gay Dan. Terps I want to see a bounce back next week. Erksa is fucking yuck.
6. Penn St
Game was closer than I wanted but still, win secured. I just want to see posey out there man, have you ever seen him shirtless? TJ Malone is still not getting enough hype fuck these loser companies meat riding oneill 24/7.
5. Syracuse
Caccamo got laid this weekend and the orange edged out another W. They’re looking like a wagon again. Billy dwan looks fucking murderous when he’s out there, I shit myself at a local pub when I saw him running off the field. Syracuse being good is simply good for the sport. Will mark is a hero and Owen Hiltz is so fucking back.
4. Notre dame
Obviously still fucking gross but like I think Michigan could be dick. Kavs are still being relentless and that taylor fella is probably the 2nd best finisher in the sport right now. Bye next week, hopefully Dobson and uncle enteman can relax a bit and hang out with some nuns.
3. Duke
Looked fucking ridiculous this weekend. Chetty bought a new property in Alberta he was so happy. Call me fucking crazy, but zawada may be the best player on this team currently. They're back to being gross, Penn loss is a scam.
2. UVA
I mean griffin Schutz got my youngest son Gruntel in the weight room for the first time. Schutzy had himself a day and was the best player on the field without a doubt. Showed why he was ranked the number 1 recruit this weekend. Cormier with a geno, 2 apples, and three tractors bought. Wasn’t an easy game, but these boys are buzzin again. ACC is going to be a bloodbath. Terenzi moving up the zynwarton rankings.
Army
Would like to see these fellas just fucking wipe a team rather than me having to worry for like the first 5 minutes and beat my son Gunnar. Colletti might never lose a faceoff again kid is unreal. They get Boston next Friday, I want a hatty from plunks and Burek and a final score of 27-6. Get it done and then I’ll see you boys downtown.
Cheers fellas,
Greg.