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Greg’s top 20: Point Break is an elite movie


Alright lads, yes I’m in a bad mood and will be for at least the rest of the week, Army lost we know, just shut up. Had a solid tour sponsored by the Delbarton women’s team, went up to Boston and back down to Charlottesville on a PJ with my buddy Newton Maximillion. What a weekend, met some associate from blackrock and he may have casted a weakness spell on me when I wasn’t paying attention. Those fuckers are taught some wild things in year one. Solid weekend, still hungover, so be it.


HM:

Villanova: Handsome Reid Colwell

Bryant: Johnny “Lovemuscle” Hackett

Loyola: Minicus is sick and cool jerseys


20. Drexel

Lost on purpose to uva but just rebounded against a powerhouse in Hampton U. Max hull and Matt Martin had hat tricks and McGill played blindfolded. Hat tricks are deserving of 50% off all hoodies at Kona if you ask me. Martin seemed to do a great job finishing deep. He just has a knack for going deep. That 47 fella’s calves are so girthy my wife seems to get super excited when these boys play. Heard their locker room smells like Saudi incense and Persian conditioner. Hairy group of fellas who can sniff out blondes several miles away.


19. Richmond

I still have hope for these guys they’d smack most Ivy League teams if we’re being honest here. Dalton young’s favorite song is Texas holdem or whatever that verbal diarrhea Beyoncé just released is called. Fun fact, when I first met Dalton we played Jenga for 6 hours and then watched Wall-E together, he cried all night afterwards. Another fun fact, he’s the Duke of Manchester. Handicap is a 6. Solid kid.


18. Boston

Okay you guys are fucking dicks but I was legitimately impressed on Friday. Army definitely had a very off game, but still these fellas must be hogging all the BU Aphis. I’ll be mad at you guys for like 2-3 more weeks. Not a fun team to play for sure. Will Barnes stole my buddy Winston Fordhamstinger’s blow stash. Bet the hockey guys get more pull unfortunately.


17. Colgate

They’re kinda buzzin again. Johnny Hartzell was voted most likely to breathe underwater in middle school. 3 straight wins and a ton of Kona big wave cans outside the lax crib. Idk how women look at this school, but these guys seem to be having a good time. Get Jack turner the damn ball.


16. Rutgers

Knobby is a top 5 player in the country. He once saved my obese son Gunnar from a fucking heart attack after housing a full can of that liquid cheese shit. They played Hopkins very close I was impressed.


15. Michigan

Wasn’t familiar with their game. I talked some shit and they responded like stallions. They spent the week jelqing with harbaugh and McCarthy and it paid off. Maybe they’re scary again? Justin Tiernan refuses to sell me his mango juul pods, not cool.


14. Princeton

Kabirriiiiiiiii give me some blowwwwww. Only losses are to very good squads. Exposed Harvard for being gutless virgin worms and walked out with the dub. While visiting Boston, ten Harvard students asked me what my dad does while wearing suits to a fucking pub. Good job tigers.


13. Yale

Brandau HAHAHAHAHA. I bet these guys fuckin cried all night and watched mean girls with some cookies n cream ice cream. A bunch of little wet puppies who got off papas leash. They all own King Charles spaniels named coco and have sparkling water in their G2 water bottles. Eat it puspus.


12. Maryland

Bruh IL had yale ahead of Erksa and the terps. Pretty rough loss but they’ll be fine arestia. Offense is struggling boys, start vaping again. I’d be shocked if they can’t turn it around soon.


11. Denver

Dude I mean they definitely suck but idc they can have this spot.


10. Quinnipiac

Another day, another win. These guys make my stomach fuckin rumble. I’d rather watch these boys play than go to a damn weezer concert. The pacc wants a challenge. Mason Oak is a nailgun. The Donnery bros continue to ejaculate all over whatever these defenses throw at em. Pelosi-owned, Inside Lacrosse, finally had to rank them. Joke company. Fan base continues to impress the firm. Tommy Shaugnessy with 10 caused turnovers on the season, all American.


9. Georgetown

Beat Richmond and continue to ride this 6 game heater. Vardaro is a fucking werewolf and I’m not changing my opinion on this. If any teammates want to comment on his constant disappearances during a full moon I’m all ears. You might have the people fooled buddy, but not Big Greg, not Big Greg.


8. Cornell

Willem Firth’s dad owns the city of Ottawa if he’s naming his son that. Kid is a stud and this Cornell team is in good graces with our staff. CJ Kirst is a solid player, showed up big against the communists. Gavin Adler would be proud.


7. Johns Hopkins

Shaky win over Rutgers, need to see something soon out of these guys. Ever since that navy loss, I’ve been very disappointed with the jays. Angelus needs to start shooting more, way too pass happy.


6. Duke

Lost to cuse and smoked the porkers over at Denver. Brennan O’Neill is overrated as hell. Orrrrrr is it this shitty duke system. I think it’s time danowski retires guys. How many times does he show up with these avengers caliber rosters and still shit the bed. Call me crazy, but I’m just calling it how I see it. Should be playing way better.


5. Penn State

Jack posey isn’t even healthy yet and these dudes are looking damn solid. A little shaky against Ohio state but it’s their biggest rival and an away game so I’m not too worried. Haven’t been giving fracyon enough credit, dude is elite. Definitely top 5 in the country. I do wonder if faceoffs will be an issue for the cats down the line. Jake morin is part wolf and part DeWalt. Monster.


4. Notre Dame

In no way any hate here, just not as excited at the moment. Could very well be the top team in the country after this weekend, but at the moment the hype train has a few others ahead. Michigan win looks a whole lot more impressive and the gtown loss looks a lot better. Definitely an elite squad, but first ACC game will tell me all I need to know about the Irish.


3. Syracuse

They beat duke and you can find me in the cuse sauna with Caccamo and Spallina all week telling old Vietnam war stories. Loss to Maryland looks rough but I’ll give them a pass on that. Gait has gained 6 pounds this year, stop feeding this dude paladinos every damn day guys. Guessing Figueras gets the pkav assignment Saturday so he better be fuckin dialed. Only banks has really slowed him down this year. Prove me right giving you guys this ranking fellas.


2. Army

IL dropped them to fucking 6. Such a joke like I don’t know who works for that company, no chance they’ve ever played lacrosse. When other teams have one bad loss, they just write it off, when army loses an absolute trap game it’s the end of the world. High chance it was my fault as I tend to be a curse to teams I watch in person. They’ll bounce back strong against fossil breschi and unc. Worried about what Pilate does to Duffy. Offensively boys, shake it off. Barnes was coked out his mind. Mistakes were made but UD still believes in the knights. Best bench cellys in lacrosse, these boys got me fired up. CORN ON THE COB. Even the Spartans lost a few battles, no big deal.


  1. UVA

Cormier with 6 against the drags these guys are dialed. 5 game heater since the Hopkins loss, this is purely based off who I think is the team to beat come postseason. Defense was unreal against Drexel ben wayer is gross. Proud to say I used to set picks for him on Madlax many years ago. If Schutz shows up every game, they will not lose. Terenzi and sunderland are the heart and soul of this squad. Chizmar is an animal.


Cheers fellas,

Greg.

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