A great weekend of lax coming up, going to try my best to watch these games but I'm meeting up with my buddy chirp in vail this weekend. Usually, I'm with my fellow writer Essex in downtown New Haven killing pitchers of beer.
Duke vs Loyola, Friday at 7:00
Great game coming here, Duke looks to continue their winning streak after a Barnburner against Syracuse on Sunday and Loyola looks to get another great out-of-conference win. However, with Loyola appearing to be a little shaky last weekend against Lafayette, I'm gonna give duke the edge in this one. Especially since Loyola kicked the shit out of them last year expect them to be playing angry and Brennan O'Neil to up his pregame DMT dose. However, if duke can't learn to put the ball in the net and not hit a fucking pipe they could run into some problems. Especially with CNY legend Luke "fuck your bitch" Staudt. Loyola's terrific rope unit of Rezanka and Sally could give them problems as well, I mean they beat the shit out of people (iykyk). Will be a great game though!
Denver vs Yale
Denver coming in off of a huge win over UNC and Yale comes in off of kicking the shit out of UNC. Yale seems to have a dogshit defense outside of Jared Paquette and obviously, their Offense can do work. If Denver is going to win Stathakis has to be off Percocet and Noah Manning and the offense have to show up. A mediocre offensive performance for Denver is an easy yale win. And you don't want to lose to those scumbags.
Cornell vs Penn State
We may have some staff members in Ithaca for this game. Brent Mcvicker and Penn State have been the grim reaper of the pussy Ivy League, and they look to do it again for the third weekend in a row. Nailgun Jack Posey will likely match up with CJ Kirst and give him the biz, but Cornell has weapons all around their offense, Spencer "Spencedoglax" Wirtheim, Billy Coyle, Michael Long, and Brian "let's get weird" Piatelli. However, give me the red-hot Nitts out of happy valley. These guys give 0 fucks and just play Fortnite out there, Uncle Kev Winkoff has been tearing it up for them on offense with the Traynor bros and shitty Chayse Ierlan will not be able to handle it. The Cornell D has a stud in Gavin Adler, however, the rest of the unit has not been up to part, if you give up 13 to Ohio states O you suck I'm sorry. Angelo Petrakis emerged on the scene as a freshman for the big red in early 2020 as one of the best fogos in the nation, however, he has been a shadow of his former self this year and is easy pickings for Chase Mullins. Who knows though, will definitely be a great game for sure this matchup always delivers.
North Carolina vs Brown
Absolutely outrageous news with a bunch of Brown Seniors being suspended for a goddamn noise complaint (the boys may have had a little too much fun). That is ridiculousness and we will always stand against injustice and discrimination against nail guns. #FreeBrownLacrosse. Anyways with Devon Mclane out it makes a tough game for the bears. Although fellow Mclane, Cousin Aidan, seems to have stepped up to the plate. With the suspensions in my eyes, this still is a tough game for UNC, they looked terrible on offense last week and didn't even give their nuclear weapon PJ Zynsner much burn. I'm not really sure what the hell that performance was last week but they better show up Saturday.
Rutgers vs Princeton
Who even gives a fuck about this game, a battle over the shithole state of New Jersey, literally the only two good things I can think of about New Jersey are the Shore and the fucking food. Other than that it's a third-world country, probably why they breed so many fucking nail guns there. Regardless, if Princeton doesn't win this game it may be the nail in the coffin for their playoff hopes unless they win the Ivy. And honestly, good fucking riddance. I won't have to watch Tyler Sandoval's 80000 motivation discipline tik-toks after they somehow win a tournament game. Anyways Rutgers probably going to cut up Princeton's dog shit defense and win by 4.
Notre Dame vs Ohio State
Notre Dame by murder, Ohio State is trash and doesn't have the shooters to score on uncle Entemann. Ohio State does have a strong defense, but their goalie seems to be inconsistent and that can't be the case for them or they will get fuckiing shelled. Excited to see Bobby van Buren against either Pat or Chris. A lot of people talk about the attack men on Notre Dame and they're obviously great but I think their first midfield line is top 2 in the country. McMahon has been playing like he's shooting up pregame, Dobson is Dobson, and then Tevlin just likes to get weird I mean dude picks up a pole and will hop in the man down set. Excited to see the outcome of this came and will give us a good gauge of where ND stands in comparison to Virginia.
Penn vs Villanova
Penn is heading into this after barely beating St Joes, so much so that Sam Handley needed not one but two tries to win the game. Like bro are you serious, if you were the player you think you are and that the casuals think you are you would've ended it in reg but you didn't because you SUCK. I think Villanova is going to continue their streak and beat Penn by two. I don't think their poles will have the stones to cover beauty Pat Daly and Austin Frasier on attack and then a first-teamer on midfield Matt Campbell. Novas rope unit of Mack "tooth fairy" Prybylski and Chet Comizio has been bullying people on the field, I expect the diet Snapple demon Reid Colwell to give Sam Handley the work, courtesy of upper decky lacrosse.
Syracuse vs Hopkins
This is going to be a great game, lots of alums from both sides will be in attendance, I think they're doing some shit with a fella named Mikey Powell. Anyways Cuse is fiending for a win harder than Duke players fiend for the elf bar. I'm not sure who to think for this one, both teams with tremendous fight, Hop gave UVA a legitimate scare and can score goals with guys like Collison and Melendez. Cuse does have Will Mark who is a serious game changer and could be huge for them again, their offense seemed to work a lot better when they gave the ball to Kirst and let him run like a gorilla. I just hope they don't have those dogshit announcers calling this game, like jeez man thanks for telling me Spallina was the number 1 recruit again and how Canadian Gary gait is.