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Chetty’s week 5 poll: I love IPAs and Quinnipiac Lacrosse

20. Michigan

Barely in this top 20, disappointing year however I guess they can still turn it around in big ten play but don't see that happening

19. Colgate

Absolutely shocked by the result Saturday, probably the biggest threat to army in the patriot league.

18. Harvard

Despite half the squad chirping Yale players about how they got offers from Goldman, they still came up short. I had faith in this team to get it done but not sure why. Maybe if this team stayed away from Cabernet and ripped elf bars and maybe even some 4 lokos with a scoop of Protein in em they could win some big time games. Classic Ivy team with no grit. Guarantee nobody on this team has ever dipped or worked a manual labor job.

17. Richmond

Spiders just need to start buzzing, seems like they're in a slump. Maybe Dalton should get Aiden O'Neil to start talking to chicks, maybe Madonna should fuck around and rip a threesome. However Braden McClure has been playing like a beauty at lsm. Massive tilt coming up against Gtown.

16. Rutgers

15. UNC

UNC needs to wake the fuck up, they play an easy ass schedule and struggle against fucking stony Brook. I don't know where it's going wrong, maybe Logan McGovern isn't ripping his alien OG like last year, or Johnny shwarz isn't sending dick pics anymore but something needs to change. They're on track for another year of mid and irrelevancey unless they start playing like beauties. I think Breschi has got to go and it was stupid af to fire Metzbower.

14. Princeton

13. Yale

Not a fan of this team at all, I tuned into Saturday's tilt and it just reaffirmed every statement I've made about this team. They are allergic to playing good defense and it shows. Half of this team is 28 years old and is barely beating Harvard, I already know that Bragg and Brandau have at least 3 convos a day of how they miss Chris fake tucking them in to bed at night. There's a reason this team doesn't schedule acc competition.

12. Quinnipiac

Probably the hottest team in the country right now aside from army, and it's insane how they still aren't in ILs poll. Just shows how corrupt they are taking money from China to not rank quinnipiac. The Donnery brothers are absolute fucking nailguns, their fans drink like fish and fight the other teams parents, I mean what more can you ask from a squad. Americas team looks to stay undefeated against Marist next. Expect Quinnipiac to get some revenge from when Marist roofied their goalie last year during the Maac playoffs causing them to get 27 Genos hung on them.

11. Cornell

This Goldstein kid can actually play, looked like the next Michael sowers out there. Granted he was playing an Ivy League defense, Cornell is the one Ivy League I can kinda respect.

10. Georgetown

9. Hopkins

Not sure what to say honestly, squad just needs to start buzzing again, should be able to get it done against Rutgers but who knows.

8. Denver

Solid win against a decent Osu team, however I still think Georgetown takes the big east, I don't see this defense being able to stop Kade fucking Goldberg.

7. Maryland

Tough game Saturday, I heard erksa didn't have his pregame backwood explaining his slow start. However Ryan Siracusa (ATL legend) had a game and a half along with Cousin Mally (ATL legend) I can see this team rebounding heavily and annihilating Michigan. Expect Log "Fuck your bitch" Mcnaney to put up statement numbers as well.

6. Cuse

Nothing much to say besides thanks for covering the spread and feeding my family for the week. Also looks like Owen hiltz is back to ripping ched, I assume he put down the labatte blues and pizzas and mixed in a few protein shakes. Honestly expect this Duke game to be a war.

5. Penn State

Solid win this weekend, not the best performance but Marquette always plays psu tough, glad I didn't see a result like last year after Marquette roofied Penn states Gatorade jug and attempted to burn down their hotel. They open up big ten play against Ohio state next. Expect a statement from these boys.

4. Duke

Not sure how I feel about this team honestly, great defensive performance Saturday but I'm still not seeing the Kaiser in the cage which is going to be a problem down the line. I'm also not seeing Stevie Finnel or Ryan Mackenzie (former cny legend) get any burn, disgraceful. Big tilt Wednesday vs cuse.

3. Virginia

Big win from this team Saturday beat some of the allegations I had about their defense from the Towson game and Griffin Shutz played like a beauty. If this guy can start playing like this consistently I'm not sure how any defense will hang with this team.

2. Notre Dame

This squad is playing unreal lacrosse, granted it was st pattys and they had their green tarps on they still ran an absolute train on Michigan (as they always do) Jake Taylor was back on his usual shit fucking around ripping every trick shot imaginable and Ckav was Johnny fucking Appleseed with 6 on the day. They open acc play up with Syracuse next should be a banger.

  1. Army

Not suprised they didn't fall victim to the recent number 1 curse, this squad is fucking different and honestly I will not be suprised if they end the season undefeated. Way too many nailguns on this team, Cousin Burek, Plunkett, Jake "big dick" Morin and they even got some sneaky guys like former victor legend Cal lambert. Absolutely throbbed lehigh as predicted and they're gonna do the same to BU. Some staff will be in attendance, look for three guys wearing black trench coats and cowboy hats, you might just get an elf bar or a bag. Cheers.

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