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Chetty's Transfer Portal Breakdown

Sorry about the firm's blog inactivity lately, we've been debating whether or not to write about the PLL (gay) or explore other options. Regardless, this transfer portal has had my pecker tingling. I'm a big fan of it I'm not going to lie, I mean how can you not love all these guys who 5th year at Tampa and just get barred the fuck out every other night and have a blonde sorority girl named Kate licking their sack. I mean I think every player should be granted a fifth year, anyways let's get into it.

Charles "Daddy's Money" Balsamo- Duke to UVA

I'm not sure if I'm too hot on Daddys money Balsamo as a player but he seems like a great teammate to have. Type of guy to cover the boy's tab with his dad's platty amex and post some insta story that looks like it was posted by a soundcloud rapper in the slums of Atlanta. Like Balsamo you're not fucking King Pluto buddy. I'm sure this guy was sold on UVA when Lars and Terenzi had a lengthy conversation about their faith with him and that was all that needed to be done. Can't blame him either, if you want to win big games, don't play lacrosse at Duke!

Johnny Hackett- Bryant to UVA

This guy is a fucking dawg, a huge pickup for uva. Considering this dude would be off 5 gbs of the premiere Rhode Island OG for every game Bryant played and would drop 5 genos then eat some fire Bryant box. I can only imagine how this weapon is going to be with the blondes in Charlottesville and I can gurantee Hackett will have a year and a half.

Eric Malever- Maryland to Duke

Honestly not a bad move from the ATL legend Cousin Mally, with half their team gone now that attack line is pretty much completely free. However I heard what really sold him was Coach Danowski offering him a Hellcat, Hennessy and backwoods NIL deal to bring a "New Culture" onto the lacrosse team. However let's hope Danowski doesn't destroy another great player with his dogshit system.

In my opinion, the best players currently in the portal right now are Connor Theriault from Brown and Jordan Vincent from cuse. hearing first hadn reports that vincent has hooked up with every single sorority chick at SU and is looking to take his talents to a different chapter of alpha phi. As for Theriault just know he'll be giving some poor souls chick the ole Theriault special after a long night of free pen rips and mcdonalds. Been also hearing some rumors about Spallina to Maryland and i honestly wouldn’t be surprised. Typical weekend for Joey currently is: stay in Friday and study film, play in game and miss 5 btbs, get trashed at Harry’s and hook up with a 5, then she tells everyone he has a small horn. I mean I’d want to break the cycle too but Joey could end it pretty quickly if he just pulled a Will Levis and leaked his horn. Maybe he should take a page from the army freshman’s book and try to discover himself with some Uncle Ponderosas special stuff (IYKYK). Anyways will keep updating this series and sharing my thoughts folks! Cheers!

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