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Bud Light Balsamo wins it for Duke in OT

Updated: Mar 5, 2023

Holy fuck boys this game was fucking electric. Like I don't even know where to start. Uncle B was fucking dialed, Will Mark played with his dick and balls dragging on the floor and the commentators were straight up unbearable to listen too. I mean holy shit I am glad I cleaned out that 30 rack before this one. To start off, Will Mark is literally that fucking dude. Bro had like 27 saves. I don't feel bad for him one bit cuz he is going to get so much pussy tonight regardless of the loss. I mean bro was playing with the elf bar in his sock the whole game and definitely swapped his Gatorade bottle out for a Mango Twisted Tea tall boy. Cousin Will is legit the only bright spot on this team right now. Don't even get me started about J Spallina. He had a dick in his ass, throat or both for the majority of the game. Brower literally skull fucked him all game and then delivered 45 minutes of cock and ball torture out on Marshall Street after the game. I heard Pat March camped right outside and watched this obscene act take place as jizz drooled down his calf. Uncle Brennan totally did his dose of dmt before this game because he was fucking dialed. I heard he told Coach Dino, "Fuck off John, these penis tards are straight garbage bro. Give me the ball I'm literally playing fucking Overwatch on these mother fuckers right now" Ron Caputo straight up might suck "Bud Light" Balsamo's dick on the plane ride home. I mean holy shit this guys has some corny ass Instagram captions but he is low key him. It's a parade in his city right now. Lastly, I'm going to talk about the commentators. Holy shit were these guys terrible. Rumor has it these 2 clowns are tag teaming Spallina after the game. I mean who the fuck wouldn't want to suck his dick for 2 hours? Literally anytime Cousin Joey touched the ball the guys brought up how he was the Number 1 recruit. Bro. We fucking know. Literally I know a guy named Preston Carmichael Prescott who can call a better game 13 beers deep while operating a motor vehicle down l-90. Other than that this game was sick. Totally lived up to the hype and another great weekend of lax concludes. I'm boutta go eat my wife's box right now.

On a side note, a very Happy birthday to staff member Greg Swishers son, Gunnar Tage Swisher! The young champ is 15 now and already playing varsity! We love ya kiddo!

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