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Biggest D1 Stallions!! Part 2!

Silas Richmond- UAlbany

This guy is an absolute fucking hoss. He eats concrete for breakfast andf jerks off in motor oil. A straight beauty coming out of Dirty Albs, I expect nothing less than grit, long dicking, blow, and more blow. He had a tremendous year with 73 points and helped lead the Great Danes to the tourney for the first time since TD Ierlan got passionately jerked off by the team manager back in 2018. Silas is currently unemployed because he has been heard screaming all over the Albany area, “No job is better than a blow job!!”. This strategy has worked out very well for Cousin Rich because he has racked up the most Asian bodies in a 4 year span since the Vietnam War. I would do some heinous things to be able to raid a straw hut, smoke some dope, and double team a lady boy in Saigon with Silas back in ‘55. 

Nicholas Demaio- Towson

I have two words to describe Nicky. Timeless Aura. The moxy that this guy carries around will never be able to be replicated as long as Tufts lacrosse uses their communist ponzi scheme to brainwash all of the youth in the world. He is coming off of a great year with 32 goals, 50 apples, 11 barns mucked, and 3 warrants out for his arrest. His nickname on campus is ‘Nine Inch Nick” because of the gangling thing in his pants. I heard that he once had a dream that he wrestled a 50-foot snake, but he actually just work up with his hand in his pants! That’s some real white boy shit. Rumor has it there is also a rash on his tip because his johnson is always dragging on the ground on his walk home from the ADPi and Alpha Phi houses. I pray for any dad that sends their daughter to Towson because odds are Nick has already gotten his hands on them, or will when he returns for alumni weekend next year. I definitely wouldn’t send my daughter there, unless it was my step daughter Evelyn, because she is a dirty skank. She will not be invited to my Labor Day party in Montauk next year. Unless Nine-Inch Nicky Demaio is there of course! 

Bryce Ford- Fairfield

Bryce is a real renaissance man that flys under the radar. I am not familiar with his game but I heard his go to move at the bar is to go up to happy couples, ask them to swap phones, and then he usually ends up with the broad. 60% of the time, this works every time. The other 40% of the time, he will go up to girls, quote Lord of the Rings and give them some “sacred antidote and righteous herbs” (it’s just vodka cran with a baggie). He can be heard speaking elvish around campus and something about, “Hurry Frodo, we need to bring the forbidden stones to Mount Doom so Gandalf can forge them into a sword”. I have no idea what the fuck he is saying, but at the same time I do. He drives a 2012 Honda CRV but calls it Winston after a noble horse that was donated to him by an investment banker named Barclay at this high school grad party. Anytime he picks up a groundball he yells, “Land Ho, Land Ho!”. 

Logan McNaney- Maryland

This guy fucks like a racehorse and has been given the nickname “Sex Panther” around College Park. He has been solid as a rock his whole career and spews out saves every game like a 13 years old’s cock that just discovered Pornhub. Logan is the type of guy to get absolutely racked and then run over his foot with a car…all for the love of the game. I heard President Vahagn Khachaturyan of Armenia gave up the arms race with Iran becaue Logger-head Logan walked in with his M60 hammer cock named Bartholomew. Heavy on the last three letters, “mew” because his johnson has a razor sharp line on it that all the Kappa Delta birds go feral for. I am curious to see what Logan does after his college career is over. I see him doing a trade, plumber to be exact and everytime he goes to do a job he gets distracted and ends up fucking a mom. 

Matt Nunes- Virginia

Ok so another goalie on this list which I normally don’t do but I have heard too many legendary things out Matty Ice, so I couldn’t not include him in here. He has had an up and down year, but to be on this list success on the field doesn’t mean shit. Matt is the type of guy to pin your girl up against a wall and aggressively eat her box. Wow, read that one again. I heard that when Matt was 7 he stopped checking for monsters under his bed because he realized it was in his pants the entire time. Wow, read that one again. Not sure if Matty will get the nod this weekend against Maryland but who cares. I hope UVA skull fucks them because then Upper Decky will be getting several staff members on site for the game on Monday. If UVA wins that, then expect Preston Carmichael Prescott, Marcus Meadowcroft and myself to be boning anything that has a pulse in downtown Philly. 

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