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Army wins on military appreciation day, Harvard heads to class early.

Rahhhh🦅🇺🇸🦅🇺🇸 Let's go gentlemen! Currently watching this cuse vs notre dame game and it's starting to get close might tug one out after this. Electric 12:00 slate to begin the weekend though, I’m feeling dangerous. Tried telling some birds I played for the Whipsnakes last night they had me kicked out of the bar for pouring blow on their knockers. Whatever.

Starting on the UNC side of the ball, wambach managed to out duel Colletti at the dot. Thats not something we’re used to here at HQ. Coletti started very slow though so after the first quarter I’m sure it was pretty even. Probably the only true stud for unc though is Duffy. This dude is disgusting. I haven’t really watched him much this year but he is the future of unc lacrosse. Had himself an absolute battle with Pilate today, was pretty even, I believe he had two goals dodging on Pilate and the other three on step downs. Thing is, this dude wasn’t even beating Pilate clean, he can just pull it from anywhere. That performance against the top pole in the country just convinced me he’s freshman of the year.

Now, let’s talk about americas team. On this fine military appreciation day, I’m gonna be eating pizza MREs and shooting hollow points at my neighbors house (they have a ban guns sign on their porch). I was worried in the first half but I forgot the grittiest team in history doesn’t go like that. As said earlier, Coletti started slow but turned it up later. He’s only human guys, he’s not gonna dominate every game relax. 2 genos though for the road, I hope he has a great night. Pilate was a stud as well this afternoon. The stats are deceiving for Duffy, Duffy scored two with AJ actually covering him so overall a good performance from the bizzoy. Bro also had 5 caused turnovers give him extra cigs in his care package. Player of the game was a tough one here so I’m giving it to all 3 guys. Starting in net, Sean Byrne. Guy played out of his mind with 19 fucking saves. Wasn’t familiar with his game. I had a vision of him and I holding down a bunker in Vietnam with cherry lemonade elf bars and a few lady boys waiting for our return. Next up, we have Evan “churchgoer”Plunkett. Those who have followed us for a while know we love plunks. Army offense stalled against BU and for most of the first half today. They woke up in the 2nd half and plunks led them with 4 beanos. Plunks recently took out a Russian outpost with nothing but a blow torch and rubber gloves. Word on the street is he prefers to rip his guard duty with nothing but boots and camo Nike pro compression shorts. That’s grit, it gets cold up there. Lastly, a player we’ve never mentioned but should have a while ago, Ryan Nixon. A briar woods and VLC legend, this dude had me punching my friend Braxton McDonnington in excitement today. That ground ball he had in the 3rd quarter when coletti scored his 2nd… you can’t teach that. Forklift certified and most definitely a nailgun. Heard he recently met a future wife. Happy for Nixon, I hope you guys force feed him fireball and JD honey. Eamon Murphy and Christian Mazur are fucking meat sticks out there too holy shit. Are these dudes repping humvee squats or what boys? Would like to know their leg routine asap. Bennet ong with celly of the game and best smile of the game.

All in all, the knights still didn’t perform close to their best. Sure they won, but I know they know that they can be better. Back on track though, keep it rolling. I miss Knox Dent, hope he’s doing well and killing lots of commies.

The UVA tilt was hilarious. Probably the worst first 3 quarters UVA has had in a decade. Not sure how late the boys stayed up the night before, but sheesh. In classic Ivy League fashion, Harvard collapsed when in matters. I know they have to get to their local pub to play the cello or go to their Econ class but cmon now that’s a joke. Cormier had 4 and mucked king’s girlfriend’s box. Cormier for tewaarton. Nothing Lars loves more than shitting on the shitbox conference he left. Truitt scored today!!! Hope you guys give him some sour patch and Lego sets. Harvard can eat shit for all I care. They’ll probably cry in the showers postgame together but who knows. The burly Harvard women’s rowing team will be pegging them later tonight, guarantee it.

Cheers fellas, go thank someone in the military you libs.


(This is satire)

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