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2024 Zynwaarton final preview: Wyatt Ferda vs PJ Zynsner

Wyatt Ferda (colorado college)

Height: 71 inches

Weight: 195 (Girthy)

Zyn of Choice: Cinnamon

Preferred protein: Steak (Fresh cooked medium)(he likes that shit pink)

Religion: Christian

Favorite Pastime: Wiffle ball on the 4th of July (after reenacting the battle of bunker hill and doing 4x5 nordic curls )


Wyatt Ferda could be considered a Cinderella Story in this tournament coming from the 35 seed to the chip, but with a name like that he didn't fool anyone. Hailing from Colorado Springs, he is no stranger to the slopes and loves to ski all year round. Despite being only a freshman, he has brought a mean streak to the field and a powerful punisher to the nunnery. My pal Fluffy at Colorado College says that the high altitude makes the girls freakier. When asked about this, Ferda turned away and muttered something about rolling far too deep with his shooters. Go tigers, and go rub one out for Ferda.

PJ Zynsner (UNC)

Height: 73 inches

Weight: 180 lbs

Zyn of choice: Citrus

Religion: Mahayana Buddhism

Preferred Protein: Quail

Favorite pastimes: Majoring in econ and mathematics (he is smart as shit)


One of my coworkers called this, he said it was revealed to him in a dream that Zynsner would go to the Zynwaarton final. He also said the Bruins would beat the panthers in 6 and that everyone who doesn't buy Lax Unlimited x Upper Decky merch will get smited on January 6th 2025. Regardless, Zynsner is actually gross, if Breschi weren't so uptight I think Zynsner would be a tewaarton finalist as well. I just wish he would get more burn in his last year of eligibility. This keeps me up at night. Nonetheless this guy is actually a genius and has a 3.982 GPA at a hard school. A good stand up guy who can't say no to IPAs and a dip in the testicuzzi. Tough to see him go out like this but I can't feel bad because he's going to be the next wolf of wall street and probably will have 2-3 good sized boats as well.


Voting will start Tuesday 5/7 at 12 pm EST on our instagram story.

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