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Greg’s Top 20. Let’s get serious. Totally unbiased.

Updated: Apr 11



HM: NJIT, UNC, Bryant, Colgate.


Anyone else seeing all these people trying to make these hilarious, knee slapping tier lists. You old fucks are not funny good lord put your phone down and actually watch the sport. One more of these and I beat my wife again.


20. JMU

MCLA this MCLA that, JMU is a wagon. Connor Rice is a stud and they have a guy named Judd dropping 7 goals with an OT snizz. I’ve heard it’s always snowing in Harrisonburg, love that. Rumors that their president takes laxatives before nights out to assert dominance in bar shitters. Saw a picture of 4 players in the sin bin, grit. Tried to watch a game but they have sped mcdaniels recording with an iPhone 6. Fire whoever that guy is.


19. Virginia Tech

New to this MCLA world but I’ve been told this team could beat some D1 teams. Watched some clips and Hampton would get absolutely dusted by the boys in Blacksburg. This team is a wagon I guess. Gokies or something.


18. Drexel

Lost on purpose to Villanova last night, I paid a few players to sell out so I could hit a 13 leg parlay with my son’s tuition money. Loser son, but I feel like I gained a new one with gavin kelly. Great kid, loves drugs. My wife saw some video of Tomak rippin Swiss and asked if I was willing to have an open marriage. No longer a fan of that “hang loose” ahh lax bro. Not even a local bro, you wouldn't last a day in wildwood. Such a shoobie and I bet you don't even wear sustainable clothing. They feature one of the best brownie bakers in the country who also happens to fall victim to the buy 1 can of beans get 23 free deals. Brownie boy is a level 6 Necromancer as well.


17. Richmond

Going under the radar currently, but this team will be scary in the postseason. One of those first round games you could see duke or Maryland losing to. Dalton young has a long term girlfriend so it looks like my daughter is out of luck. Shes butt ugly Dalton but I’m richer than fuck.


16. Princeton

Fuck the Ivy leagues right? Maybe not Princeton and one other team. Kabiri is making a strong case for freshman of the year and I can’t help but spank my pud around at halftime with a Mountain Dew and paladinos buffalo wings to my left. Tigers are on the come up.


15. Michigan

Like mehhh. I think they’re decent but not a huge threat. Change my mind fellas.


14. Yale

Joke team joke conference. Fuckin hilarious game against Penn state but they’ll probably win against Denver. Will continue to hate as long as brandau refuses to pay his damn taxes. Enjoy your Prosecco bums.


13. Quinnipiac

I don’t know why this team isn’t ranked by other companies. My only guess would be fat libs like Ty xanders can’t stand a gritty blue collar team. Team is a wagon. Start showing them some respect.


12. Rutgers

Only loss is to the best team in the damn nation. Need to see how they do against Princeton. Shane Throbloch is on the zynwarton watchlist, kid can put a sixer down in seconds. Rutgers respect.


11. Georgetown

Team can be a little sped at times, but we’ve seen what they can do at their best. Ty banks is most likely freshman of the year unless Dan arestia fingers ILs asshole for some other squirt.


10. Cornell

Other Ivy League team I can’t hate as much. Don’t think they’re legit yet, but they have a high ceiling. Tough matchup against Penn st on tap, tj Malone will have something to say.


9. Syracuse

Hype train is starting to die. They need to beat Hopkins to have a chance at the postseason considering the committee will put every Ivy League team in, retards. Spallina needs to grow up and start ballin against the best teams. Still some faith, but need to see something impressive.


8. Penn St

They’re so back. Tj Malone took all of rabies stash in preparation for the Cornell game. Students on campus have reported that he has been riding on horseback to class all week with needles sticking out of his upper thigh. Guy is a stud, give him the Tewaaraton already.


7. Maryland

Offense struggled big time against notre dame. Erksa had an off day and the rest of the O couldn’t pick up the slack. Defense will continue to be disgusting, but they need a spark against the best. Fuckin cake walk against brown, take the damn spread.


6. Duke

Always have hated duke, but cmon boys what the fuck. Losing to a god damn D2 team is not gonna get the committee horned up for yall. Still going to be an elite eight team at least, but a little bit of autism going on here. Brennan will look to sexually harass Loyola this week.


5. Notre dame

What a response for the RELENTLESS kavanaughs. Ckav is definitely the coolest in the family and probably mucks the most beave. Dobson has been quiet this year, if they’re gonna be serious, need him to get going.


4. Denver

This team is so damn overrated. Looked great in game 1 but very underwhelming since. Take Yale ML this weekend if you want free money. I would rather watch my wife with Dom Starsia than sit through this fucking game.


3. UVA

Lost to Hopkins but they didn’t have their starting FOGO. Gangbanged Robert Morris and Big country dropped 5. They’ll be fine, still think they’re the favorite to win the ACC.

McCabe bounced back as well, fucker is legit.


2. Johns Hopkins

One fluke away from being undefeated. Don’t hate this team as much as I did but until Melendez wears white fucking cleats, I refuse to rank them number 1. It looks retarded but whatever. If they beat cuse, I’ll officially give them wagon status. Guarantee it, paul Rabil will try and mooch attention off of this team’s success. He’s gay Chauvette, don’t let him seduce you with his 4 figure bank account.


  1. Army

No surprise here. Burek is quietly having a Tewaaraton caliber season and macking face with the entire women’s soccer team. UD will be on site to watch these gritballs get after it soon. Still waiting for aj Pilate to get some of the hype Ajax gets. Big pharma lax companies hate blue collar teams. Pussy shit IL.

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