We have an absolute wagon coming out of Strong Island. Half Hollow Hills is a team many may not be aware of because they have yet to take home a state chip and because the name of their school sounds like a fucking Fortnite location. Besides that, they are fucking loaded with talent from tip to balls. One name that all lacrosse fans should become acquainted with is Anthony Raio. He is committed to UNC and is the heartbeat of this team. The supporting cast around him includes Sal Santoro (Pace), Ryan Chung (Harvard), James Bruno (Dickinson), Nico Ghicas (Air Force), Sal Caizzo (Vermont), Jake Casamento (Navy), Luke Bradley (Glue), Chris Nolan (Glue), and Ben Vogt (Glue). They can definitely make a run for the NYS Championship game this year as long as Benny “Butt Chugging” Vogt takes it out of his ass and stops meat-riding everything within a 10-mile radius of his eyesight. This is a huge weekend team and they have surprisingly mastered the art of a Saturday night, which is rare for a public school team in NY. The hookup culture around this team is quite intriguing, as the rumor is that two kids got with the same beat whore. At this firm, we applaud these actions and recommend that everyone on the team be Eskimo Bros.  Half Hollow Hills is going to be a team to watch all Spring, so don’t be surprised if they fuck around and bring home some hardware in May.  Commits: 8.3/10 Sty: 7.8/10 Potential: Infinite Bitches: Shared Two Man: Secured Overall Score: 84/100 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player/team evaluation!

We have another team coming out of the Garden State, and once again they are juiced to the fucking gills with talent. Their best players include Luke “No Mitts” Greenseid (Bucknell), the lefty hammer Max Voight (Dartmouth), Colin “I love Blonde whores” Anderson (Vermont), Noah Blinkoff (Lafayette), Zach Blinkoff (Rollins), Griffin O’Sullivan (Brown), Robert Herrington (Hofstra), and former F&M commit and now Providence club legend, Brendan Schwalb. This group of lot lizards are stout from head to toe and are trying to go pro in porn and lax on any day that ends in Y. Their favorite activities outside of sex are getting weird, side questing, and destroying people's houses. The leaders of this landslide are glue-guys Brenny Binder and Graedy Jacobsen. Although Jacobsen has been deemed “glue” he has been known to mysteriously leave parties at 9 p.m. because of his “aura” #NotButter. The Blinkoff brothers have been wreaking havoc across the New Jersey prep school scene for the past few years because of their love for the twin-two-man, especially on trips to Florida. The Knights are two-time state champs, with two broken trophies as a result. Postgame, they can be seen butt chugging a tall boy Natty Ice at the Gladstone Market, where raves are mandatory and they strictly play the G.S.B lax warmup mix on Soundcloud, and grunge roots like Alice in Chains and Limp Bizkit.  Commits: 7.8/10 Moxy: 8.3/10 Glue: 7.7/10 Naughtiness: 9.5/10 Rizz: 4.1/10 Overall Score: 85/100 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player/team evaluation!

Next up we have an overlooked but stout team coming out of Maryland. The Hereford high school Bulls have been a MD public school juggernaut, amassing 13 state championships with “one more to come” this year. Yes, before I get into the details of this team, it is one of three alma matters of the Jack Callis. The Hereford Hammer is one of the most polarizing figures in the sport right now, and his recent incarceration will no doubtely fuel his understudies to a 14th state chip. The Bulls 2025 squad features players like Ian Smith (NB All American), Graydon Young (Frostburg State), Brady Manakil (St. Mary’s), and Finn McGee. Although they are not loaded with commits like some may expect, their off the field antics are what will keep this team going in May. Their ideal Saturday consists of playing “wall ball” (Intense puppet sex) and “watching film” (Hot Indian Porn). Zach Baker is glue guy of the year for constantly whipping the boys in his big whip, with the big rims, with the big pump shit. Fellow glue guy Finn McGee and his positive attitude is another huge piece of this Hereford puzzle. Don’t be surprised if you see these guys heading down 83 on the weekends to post hella wrench in Towson, even though they have beaten them three years in a row in the Baltimore county chip. You simply cannot be mad at these guys, as it is the life they chose. Sko Bulls.  Alumni Network: 10/10 Commits: 6.3/10 History: 8.7/10 Chemistry: 7.3/10 Ravens: Flock Overal Score: 82/100 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player/team evaluation!

A bit of an underrated team coming out of Upstate, but do not be fooled as their off-the-field antics are literally the only thing keeping this team relevant. The Heat 2025 team can be seen wreaking havoc in every downtown area at numerous tournaments throughout the East Coast. Lake Placid, check. Naptow, you betcha. Pinnacle in Frederica, DE, does the tin man have a sheet metal cock? The majority of their players are headed off to wagons in Upstate, such as Mike Belles (Canisius), Ryan Hughes (D’Youville), Nick Deliva (Cortland), Luke Lamoreaux (Brockport), Brennan Murray and Dom Siesto (Nazareth). Brady Woodworth (Limestone), Braden Fingar (Towson), and Teagan Fingar (The Mount) are venturing south simply because the blow is purer and there is a surplus of blonde whores. Their clan leader and former Cuse legend Brad Voight is at the helm of this juggernaut. Gio Valerie is a sneaky player on this team who went to THE Maverik Showtime and is the #1 reclass on the team. Zac Ajavananda is the biggest crashout on the club circuit and is why this team runs the streets wherever they go. Luke Eshelman (Messiah) is a savage and Siesto cannot live without the penjamin. Jayden Mandarano would be the best player in the class of 2025 if he was blessed with six more inches in two regions of his body. In conclusion, kids like Max Mcenerney (Cortland) and his lefty hammer are what is going to set this team above the rest, even if their club playing days are behind them. Tomfoolery: 9.5/10 Street Cred: 8.7/10 Commits: 5.9/10 Talent: 6.1/10 Rizz: 0/10 Overall Score: 78/100 ⭐⭐⭐ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player/team evaluation!

Huge wagon coming out of the Garden State, and I expect them to make some serious noise come Spring. Seton Hall Prep has been a lax bro juggernaut for the last decade, and this year's squad will no doubt live up to that illustrious combination of boys, booze, broads, and hardware. They are absolutely fucken loaded with commits and frat legends. Their two Dmids Christian “Obese Women” Logrande (Quinnipiac) and Graham “Elf Bar” Coakley (Colgate) will push transition and then fuck your bitch. Deal with it. Beowulf Clifford (Colgate) has arguably the best chop in the game and Jagger Zemachson is the greatest Jewish person to touch a twig. Asa Ravenell (Swarthmore) is going to a school with an acceptance rate of 7% and is dumb as fuck. Nolan Sabel (Villanova) is a fan favorite among the women and the second coming of Mikey Powell. He and Joe Delmauro (Utah) will be going rack to rizzy every time they touch the rock down on attack. Midfielders like Charlie Killen (High Point), Joey Oakes, Clark Rich (Lehigh), and Asher Ziv (Yale) are going to be rolling ass and banging conch all seaz. Goalie Connor Keegan is the biggest legendary sender on this team, as he was once committed to Lafayette, until he got a personal phone call from the Tennessee Pike rush chair and told Pat Myers, “Your good bro, save your fucking breath”. All in all, this team is going to get it done on and off the field this year, so don’t be surprised if they win the chip and then add 13 little pirates to the population.  Grit: 8.7/10 Commits: 9.2/10 Sendyness: 6.9/10 Potential: 10/10 Sty: 7.3/10 Overall Score: 92/100 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player/team evaluation!

A scrappy attackman with slick hands out of the Delco area, Chris Cobb can get buckets and has a nice change of direction. Although he’s 5’9 160 (If he’s feeling it he can get away with saying he’s 6’), he’s built thick and uses his physicality really well on the ride. He can slide underneath and is a great finisher close to the cage. Considering a PG year at Taft or IMG, he could be the next big thing in the ‘Cac. Although he talks a big game when it comes to birds, he’s usually found checking the rainfall in Cupertino by the time they arrive. He recently won 22 grand from gambling online, giving the world a glimpse of the forklift he would be when he turns 21. He crashed his jeep listening to World hold on. He also used Party Rock Anthem in his highlight tape instead of being an U and I by Galantis, and that type of vibe is pretty refreshing to coaches, and another indicator that this guy could be a beast. Handles: 8.2/10 Strength: 7.9/10 Agility: 8.9/10 Finishing: 7.9/10 Highlight tape music choice: 9/10 Girth: 8/10 Overall: 83.2 ⭐⭐⭐⭐ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

Righty attackman for Boys Latin/Clippers with a rangy build who's a good finisher and tough on the ride.  He’s got room to get a lot bigger and stronger and not slow down, and he’s already pretty big.  He’s got good hands in relatively tight spots with solid handles, so no surprise that he’s great with a guitar and the ladies love what he can do with his fingers.  He works in a Mexican restaurant, and the latinas dig his guitar skills.  His dad is a (Jewish) lawyer, and he wants to go wheel birds at Babson, Bowdoin or Duke.  Also an avid cornhole player and minigolfer, he could be a power drill in New England given his skillset and pedigree.  Overall, he’s got good shooting on the field and has the off field potential to add juice to mixers filled to the brim with quality birds. Shooting: 8/10 Finishing: 8.5/10 Speed: 7/10 Agility:6.9/10 Size: 8/10 Overall: 76.8 ⭐⭐⭐ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

Reid. Harkins. Something about that name just gets my shit hard for absolutley no reason, and I love the fuck out of that. Standing at 6’2 210, Handsome Reid Harkins is always caught walking around with his lengthy shaft and dpole at all times. The East Coweta and Team 91 Georgia product racked up 68 CTOs, 95 Gbs, 6 goals, and 6 assists this past spring which is quite impressive no matter where you play. Claims to “headhunt”. This statement could have a pretty sweet double meaning so hopefully he doesn’t have a girlfriend. He is currently uncommitted but I can see him being a Divsion 2 S.S.C, Peach Belt, or S.A.C player. Has WIngate or Lander written all over him. He is supposedly nice at Brawlstars so that explains his deep desire to get kicked in the balls every Tuesday night from 7-9 at night. Go to postgame motion is a bacon egg and cheese hashbrown bowl from Waho with a side of head. Huge Kodak guy as well, which seems to be a pretty delicious trend among players we have evaluated. Skill: 7.4/10 Speed: 7.2/10 Footwork: 6.9/10 Jawline: 5.2/10 Aura: 4/10 Overall Score: 70/100 ⭐️⭐️⭐️ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

Next up we have a gargantuan product coming out of Northport, NY, Johnny Giertl. I have no idea how to pronounce his name because I have been strung out on ketamine and Honey Packs for the last 36 hours, so forgive me, Jonathan. Standing at 6’3 and weighing in at 210 pounds of mustard gas and Kool-aid, don’t be surprised if he ends up showing up to your house in the skeleton Halloween costume that has the steaming boner attached to it. Grease-Ball Giertl is currently committed to Roger Williams University. Thank god they only drink Hazy Little Thing IPAs and Heinikens over there because they would be absolutely fucked if any Voodoo Rangers and Stellas were lying around because that is the only thing Johnny drinks. He has coined the nickname “Johnny Sins”. Not sure if it is because of the copious amount of box he gets or because he will be balding by the age of 23. Nonetheless, I have tremendous respect for him because his favorite song is “Semi Charmed Life” by Third Eye Blind and he is in the .05% of future listeners. That number is not even a third of my Blood Alcohol Level this past weekend, but thats a story for another day. Skill: 6.9/10 On Ball Defense: 8.2/10 Footwork: 7.1/10 Rizz: 3.4/10 Music Taste: 9.7/10 Overall Score: 72/100 ⭐️⭐️⭐️ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

A 5'10 185 lb blue collar beast getting trained by established programs in New England (Holderness and 4Leaf), Nolan Worgan has the combination of savviness and pure grit that isn’t seen a lot, especially among poles.  He makes plays with his stickwork and can definitely be an asset as an LSM.  He’s got a strong lacrosse IQ as well, and seems to double at the right time, and always comes away with a CTO and makes the attackman look like total NPC’s.  Seeing the amount of hustle plays and blocked shots in the highlight tape right away tell me that this kid is absolute nails.  His grit shouldn’t surprise anyone though because he works in construction with his old man as well as a bunch of Mexicans.  He is also a Professional lady redhead wrangler, and everyone knows the saying (blondes are logarithmic, brunettes are linear, redheads are exponential) and anyone who can pull a hot redhead deserves to have a cap tipped their way.  He also enjoys golf, football, and fishing, like a true American stallion.  Nolan is also loves to listen to Ye to get the boys buzzin. This guy will be a great get for any college program, and will add more toughness to the back end. On ball D: 9/10 Off ball D: 9/10 Grit: 10/10 Strength:8.9/10 Love for his country: 10/10 Celebrity Crush: Claire Stone Overall score: 93.8 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

Mack Baxter. Some of you have probably not heard of him, and probably never will, but don’t be surprised as this hoss of a man will get abused by his friend group and then throw up anything in sight. I mean that so literally, as he is known as the “punching bag” of his friend group and blew chunks all over Little Vincent’s Pizzeria. Not sure if it’s from the buffalo chicken pizza, or the fact that he can’t handle an 8% white claw. C’mon brother, give your balls a tug and drink a beer. The last time I heard the name Baxter was when my high school lax team decided to name our team dildo that (I am so serious. It was 17 inches long.) so cheers to having a great name. Hopefully this evaluation gets his blood boiling, because I am aware of the intense anger issues he has and his allergy to dogs. This three sport athlete (lacrosse, basketball, hockey) is the true renaissance man. Enjoy your day brother. Skill: 6.5/10 Agility: 4/10 Ability to digest food: 2.3/10 Rizz: 7.8/10 Hulk: Smash Overall Score: 69/100 ⭐️⭐️⭐️ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

A sizeable piece of mass coming out of West Forsyth HS, Sam “suck me dry” Stewart is coming in at a hot 6’3 170 with a love for the game that not many young bucks possess these days. The W.F. product is currently committed to Limestone and will no doubtebly make a splash in Gaffeney, SC in a matter of time. Unfortuatnetley, there isn’t jack dick to do in that area except win lacrosse games, stare at hard-featured women, and gamble. Luckily for Sam, he will be resorting to the latter. After hitting on a 10 leg parlay I expect all the Saint faithful to coming knocking on Sam’s door when there is nothing to do in bum-fuck-ville. Aside from hitting on that monster parlay, Sam is also a big poker player. As long as you don’t let the NCAA find out about these behaviors then you will have a great time doing nothing but winning lacrosse games and gambling in college. Skill: 7.8/10 Footwork: 6.5/10 2-7 off suit: played Speed: 6/10 Rizz: 4.7/10 Overall Score: 78/100 ⭐️⭐️⭐️ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

Huge nailgun coming out of Strong Island, and personally I would not want to fuck with this guy out in Fire Island if I saw him. Hailing from Connetquot HS, all Jaker knows is blondes with belly button piercings and Italian white boys with perms named Jaden. Jake ks freaky as fuck and is always willing to go the extra mile to muck some clam. Standing at 6’0 180 he has a lot of upside as he heads into college. The Quinnipiac commit is going to the peak of the Bobcats’ existence as they have been at the top of the MAAC the last couple years. Although all that stuff is great, arguably JG’s biggest trait is that he does things the #MathersWay. You rarely find a kid that does things the Mathers Way these days. Fucks from the back, drinks keystone light and disrespects his parents. We love that shit here at this firm. Besides that Jake shags like a motherfucker on the green and can eat two burritos in one sitting! Skill: 7.8/10 Agility: 6.3/10 Doggy: please Respect: NONE Grit: 9.7/10 Overall Score: 83/100 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

Next up we have a stout nailgun coming out of Minnesota (yuuuupppp). Mr. Teele is standing at a staggering 5’8 155 and will snap his shaft on any day that ends in Y. He might also break his actual lacrosse shaft too. After breaking 7 STX Sci-ti bars, it makes you wonder how much pounding this guy does. The Orono HS product is currently uncommitted but currently is in possession of two D2 offers and four D3 offers. Hopefully the Denison Big Red and Embry Riddle Eagles are atop your list, son. I get a huge Tiger Woods on Sunday vibe from this guy but he has since proven otherwise, as the only reason he started playing lacrosse was because he got cut from his school’s golf team. Nonetheless, that sport is only cool if you piping the underage cart girl. Expect a lot from Robert on the field this season mainly because he only eats PB&J and listens to Joe Rogan pregame. Skill: 71/100 Lateral Movement: 85/100 Slide to recovery: 82/100 Agility: 75/100 Shotgun: nonexistent Overall Score: 71/100 ⭐️⭐️⭐️ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

Next up we have a lengthy LSM coming out of the Bay Area. Standing at 6’4 185  Jackson “Slim Reaper” Rucker is ready to ruck anything in his way, so don’t be surprised if he ends up rucking the bar maid at your local tavern. The Palos Verdes product will be heading to UIndy in the fall. Some say D2 doesn’t exist. I’m sure Jack will agree. The fact that UIndy signed this sponge makes me question their morals for all the right reasons. Besides from the nickname “Slim Reaper”, he has a few other alter egos, such as “Hall of Fame Munch” and “freakruck97” on BeerBuddy. He won “White Boy of the Year” in 2023 for his Boosie Fade that was known as a nation wide panty dropper. Jackson started playing lacrosse his sophomore year to curb his anger issues, and I hope it only made it worse because I would love to see this guy pissed off with a rhino pill in his system. Skill: 7.9/10 Length: Yes Speed: 8.3/10 Aura: 9.5/10 Broad Jump: 5.4/10 Overall Score: 80/100 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

Meet Luke Lamoreaux, the brick wall of Horseheads High School and the envy of every opposing team. Standing at 5'10" and tipping the scales at a rock-solid 240 pounds, this hoss can pull absolutely zero women on any given night. He has been coined the nickname, “Old Bay” because he won an ECD dye giveaway so cheers to that. Old bay posses a lot of aura and mystique that many rotund goalies his age yearn for. His hidden talent is that he can make his balls clap on his thigh which makes a tremendous sound, but it isn’t so hidden when he is out terrorizing Main Street in lake placid. Although that may be his claim to fame, his proudest accomplishment has to be when he got grinded on by the baddest senior at Horseheads High school, when he was only a freshman. Skill: 7.8/10 Speed: 4/10 Clearing: 8.1/10 Appetite: yes Old: Bay Overall Score: 78/100 ⭐️⭐️⭐️ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

Jack Hamel is a netminder hailing from the lacrosse hotbed of Greenwich, CT. This guy isn’t just stopping shots; he's setting the bar for what it means to be a wall in the crease. Standing at a commanding 6'2" and packing 195 pounds of pure johnson and balls, Jack is a brick wall covered in ice. He’s currently weighing his options with schools, which means he’s keeping the lacrosse world on its toes. Expect either a ACC or NEWMAC commitment soon in. When he’s not busy turning away shot after shot, you can find Jack lost in the rhythms of "Otherside" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. He’s got a knack for bringing the groove to the crease, and let’s just say his presence alone could make an attack man want to end it all. Skill: 9.2/10 Transition: Rock solid in the net Rizz: 7.5/10 Agility: 8.0/10 Reaction time: 9/10 Overall Score: 79/100 ⭐️⭐️⭐️ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

An edgy meat stick coming out of The Dirty Jerz, this guy will sting a corner with an overhand shot, run the transition game with the utmost discipline and fundamentals, and then take your third niece Susie to a nice seafood dinner…and never talk to here again. That’s the kind of person Seabass is. He is 6’3 vertically and in the pants and is coming in at 185 pounds of diesel fuel. He is committed to Hofstra so he clearly loves blondes with belly button piercings who have daddy issues and spend their summers on Fire Island. Don’t we all Tyler? The tiger tattoo on his chest leaves teardrops running down thighs on any day that ends in Y. He is a professional cuddles so it makes sense why he is a night manager at Taco Bell. This guy is boys with your boy’s boy because his favorite thing to do is be with the guys. He is the best wingman to exist, but when he is balls deep in the game, his go to move is to ask chicks if they want to see his snow globe collection. Skill: 8.9/10 Transition: Fundamentally sound Rizz: 6.9/10 Leg press: 7.2/10 Reaction time: 5/10 Overall Score: 85/100 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

Really big fan of Connor’s game. The Glen Ridge product is coming in at 6’2 185 and ready to cause some fucking pandemonium. Very eclectic taste in music, as his go to on aux is “Dap You Up” by Speaker Knockerz. He is heading to Muhlenberg next year and embodies everything that the Mules stand for. Check out the “Grittiest D3 Teams” blog to see what that really means. He claims to be a future pickleball player which is actually fucking sick. Fuck all you liberals that say it’s not a sport. He also hasn’t played in an organized lacrosse game in a year which is nails. Last, and certainly not least, he is a janitor at his high school. Truly the backbone of this country. Nothing but respect Connor. Skill: 7.3/10 Speed: 8.2/10 Fundamentals: 10/10 Grit: 10/10 Chug: 6.3/10 Overall Score: 80/100 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

Real gritty scoundrel coming out of the Holderness School in New Hampshire. I have heard some interesting things about this institution so Dons is definitely getting it done off the field. I’m getting a Stella Artois vibe from him because he may be one of the most interesting men in the world. If he gets aux he is playing “Like Dat” by Kodak and following that up with “Already” because he knows every single word. Something tells me you may fit in great in Broward County, Fl. He has been referred to as “John Wick” when it comes to shooting squirrels. He is looking to go any large state school with sick frats. If you are looking to go to the Empire State, consider SUNY Oneonta or Cortland. NOT FREDONIA OR NEW PALTZ. Best of luck brother. Skill: 7.9/10 Agility: 8.1/10 Footwork: 9.1/10 Squirrels: shot Kodak: Black Overall Score: 82/100 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!