A 6'3 200 lb midfielder out of Missoula, Montana, Owen Laastch is a fucking dawg. Let me repeat that. Missoula. Montana. MONTANA. When he makes it to Hofstra next year, he will be the first D1 lacrosse player from the great state that loves skiing, hunting moose, and getting kicked out of a bar in a town of 260 people. Laasatch plays lacrosse like Ray Rice in an elevator and at 200 lbs he has the ability to bully his way to a spot and then drop his pants. He is a top tier chiller at the Frederick Gunn School and loves kickin it with the boys. When he isn't in a caffiene fueled fortnite rage he is probably fishing for rare fish. In his downtime, he plays fortnite and also loves checking to see if local milfs have a gag reflex. I expect him to fit well into Seth Tierney's offense and to see significant time when he arrives in Hempstead. Speed: 8.4/10 Strength: 9.3/10 Passing: 7.4/10 GRIT: 10/10 Aux: 8.5/10 Sty: 8.8/10 Overall score: 89/100 ⭐⭐⭐⭐ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

Pierce Pape runs like there is an ounce of smelling salts in his asshole and can be found wearing Peter Millar when out in Seattle (his home city). He plays a bit like Truitt Sunderland in how twitchy he is but he will never eclipse Big T3 unless he listens to 10,000 hours of Lor Scoota. He has shades Evan Zynn as well, just not as tall, not as hairy, and not quite as ferda, yet. If he falls through the cracks of the ivy league recruiting I anticipate him high on the NESCAC recruiting boards, but he's likely smart enough not to go to Tufts. He clocked a 4.52 40 while running away from the sneaky link's dad, while wearing Adidas Sambas (probably). He also has a 33 inch vert, uses Spike in brawl stars, and would probably say some foul shit if you asked him to freestyle on a beat. Sprint speed: 9.0/10 GPA (unweighted): 3.85/4.00 IQ: 8.6/10 Off hand: 8.0/10 Mr. International: Yes Chillness: 8.8/10 Overall score: 83/100 ⭐⭐⭐⭐ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

A twitchy ass dodger, Ty Faucher comes in at 5'9" and probably 153 pounds soaking wet. However he makes up for the lack of tonnage with an oversized load in his pants that helped him and the Lake Norman goon squad overtake Hough in 2OT. He is committed to Queens University, which means he doesnt give a flying fuck about anything except touching bag, touching boobs, and touching his DJ deck. I am cuurrently bumping "FAUCH LIVE MIX SET #1" on soundcloud, and confirm he is valid, I am rock hard. I can't even begin to imagine how it'd be bumping this, drinking a lukewarm miller lite, and chopping it up with a Lake Norman mom. Wow. He is also a whoop athlete which is pretty dope. As long as he stays away from Alibaba fent carts and girls with gonnorhea I project him as a 4 year contributer for the Queens University royals. Speed: 8.7/10 Shooting: 8.8/10 Tunes: 9.3/10 IQ: 8.5/10 Right to right hitch: 9.1/10 Sty: 8.8/10 Milf charm: 6.7/10 Overall score: 84/100 ⭐⭐⭐⭐ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation

Matthew Plunkett, a Dewalt angle grinder of a middie out of Westchester, is a true american nailgun. From his recruiting statement, "Yes, I get it, I am thick. I am also physical, strong and durable". I would say with high confidence that thick, physical, strong and durable all also describe his stroke game. At 6ft 205lb, he has the build of a cougar slayer and the rizz of a Taiwanese ladyboy. A real punisher, he delivers shots hard and often and has a knack for getting underneath for high percentage looks. I'd say he projects as a 2 way degenerate at Holy cross and will probably start for 4 years there. He takes creatine regularly and enjoys long walks at the DE turf. His favorite fruit is mango and his dream blunt rotation is Snoop Dog (valid), Donald Trump (patriot), and Kevin Hart (Lmao). Catch him on a weekend and he is tryna find a bitch to shake ass to some UK drill. Enjoy Worchester, try not to get your black belt. Girth: 10/10 Off hand: 8.2/10 Shrimp eating ability: 7.3/10 Strength: 8.7/10 Love for his country: 8.6/10 Overall: 85/100 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

Watching Mike Clifford's game, I can only describe it with one word. Juice. When he's not sliding high to the rollback or ripping a pole goal, he's spitting on anything that walks and then FaceTiming their sisters and mothers. I had a dream actually of Mike just a few days ago. I was in Point Pleasant when he pulled up, around midnight, stunting in a pair of Rainbow flops. He hit 3 shots in a row on the jersey shore basketball game, won a Ray Rice jersey, traded it to a 12 year old kid (of Swedish descent) for a bike, then hopped on it and rode away to snow bunny heaven (Manasquan). Fueled by Captain Crunch and a taylor ham egg and cheese, he's committed to Colgate, but still has another year at Seton Hall Prep (NJ). With the likes of Upper Decky 86 overall Charlie Killen and the rest of the fellas they are sure to win the state chip in the armpit of America. Flow: 11/10 Girlfriend: Yes Strength: 8.7/10 Length: 8.6/10 Girth: 7.3/10 Overall Score: 88/100 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

Another nailgun out of Cold Spring Harbor, I'm not sure why Ty Xanders or NLF dont have him on their radar. Slick fogo but also has played defense lsm middie ssdm or attack. A real jack of all trades, but master of 1, and that is faceoffs. He is also a master baiter and claims to be the best fisherman that plays lacrosse. Not sure how much I believe that but gotta big truzz (go ravens). Standing at a brute 5'9" 175, he will probably be able to bench 2 plates in the next year and might even wheel a bird as well. I forsee him committing to Monmouth on December 16th. He can also eat 5 bowls of pasta in 1 sitting and posesses the capability to rip a sub 2.5 sec shotty ferds. I am keen on his upside and see him playing a pivotal role in CSH's success in 2025, but also could see him going to Auburn and joining Sigma Pi. Faceoff: 8.9/10 Attack: 6.6/10 LSM: 4.9/10 Missionary: anytime Girls: terrifying Pasta: Gone Overall Score: 82/100 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

Hailing from The Lou, Jackson Masson is a 6'1, 175 lb hunk of meat and Diet Dr. Pepper that cleans up nice but loves to heckle tweakers and spit on anything with hair. He's a faceoff guy but is pretty athletic and given he goes to a lowkey no name school in St Louis he can stay on and do whatever the fuck he wants. I'm keen on his upside since he gets 0 hoes, and in his words, 'struggles to look a cat in the eyes'. This will equate to more time spent grinding his Faceoff Factory Whistles (10 minutes) and doing hammer curls. He actually has a rocket from deep as well and one time fought a Canadian goose with a boat oar. He can also eat a Cainiac Combo (6 Chicken Fingers, Fries, Texas Toast, and coleslaw) in under 2 minutes. Expect him to join the ranks of Division 3 nailguns in the next few years. Faceoffs: 8.6/10 Shooting: 8.2/10 Rizz: None Facial hair: also None Canes: Deleted Box fights: 1-0 Overall score: 84/100 ⭐⭐⭐⭐ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

A 6 ft 205 lb nailgun out of Northern Virginia, Jonas Vinson scored a pretty gnarly goalie that went viral on the lacrossenetwork ig. Let me set the scenes. An attackman is coming down, 1 on 1 with Jonas in goal, and this dude Jonas is baiting high like the bastard he is. He makes the save, snags the rebound, books it down the box side, walking the dog the entire time, tucks it underneath a pole, lowers the shoulder, then goes low to high. All while wearing spongebob colored yellow cleats and a half rolled pair of grey sweats. In our opinion, he should wear sweats every time he plays because he looks steezy and much more durable. When he isn't doing this unorthodox shit on the field he loves kickin it with the boys, eating food, and hanging with his girl, in that order. He loves sprites with his philly cheesesteaks and coronas with a lime. A true American warrior, Jonas drives a blue 2014 Ford Fusion with a suede interior. If he were to guess, he could down 69 mini powdered donuts in one sitting. He's headed to Hampden Sydney next fall and can't wait to be at an all boys school! Get ready for the hub buddy. Speed: 8.2/10 Sty: 9.999/10 Girth: Yes Flow: also yes Favorite chip: Sun Chips (Garden Salsa variant) Shot saving ability: 8.6/10 Overall 83/100 I really like this guy ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

A slick righty out of Rochester, Brady Goetz is fundamentally sound but allergic to peanuts (Pussy). While not the most physically imposing, he does a great job of using his defender's physicality for his own advantage. Very elusive near GLE. He glides up shafts and always finishes when inside. He does a great job as a passer when not finishing inside, tossing lobs to his boys and talking to the inferior friend so Simon Kowal can finally get some play. Dont get it twisted though he gets more ass than a toilet seat. Brady's go to party drink is eggnog, and loves to dougie, also he allegedly pondered decommitting from Marquette after hearing that a guy on the team got pegged. That shows not only love for his country but IQ as well. Finishing: 9.6/10 Passing: 8.9/10 Fitted: 7 3/8" Dunk a basketball: not yet IQ: 7.9/10 Overall: 87/100 ⭐⭐⭐⭐ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

There is really just one thing you want out of a fogo and that is that they win faceoffs. And that is exactly what Ryan Lazarra does. Can he shoot? No. Can he dodge? Fuck no. Is he a lanky nailgun out of the armpit of america? YES. He's committed to Salisbury and I love that for two reasons. 1 is that they are gross and 2 is that they are a state school which means batshit crazy birds and a good time. I imagine him to be like that Turkish shooter dude from the olympics who definitley could've won but didn't so he woudn't raise suspicion. With a 69% faceoff percentage, Ryan definitley could win them all but goes for the funny number to give him aura points which he could redeem for road dome from bitches with blue hair (if he's into that stuff, not sure). He lives and dies by the possession shot and loves electric bikes. He also likes to 'reel in the big ones', which could mean bass but if a chick named Chloe bites the hook, I don't think he'd mind. IQ: None Clamp: 9.3/10 Shooting: 0 Drip: 10/10 Football Skills: Serviceable Veo app: Downloaded Overall: 84/100 ⭐⭐⭐⭐ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

A nailgun out of Seton Hall prep, Charlie Killen doesn't give a fuck. He's a New York Jets fan (grit), he played with a partially lacerated kidney (wow), and he's going to high point, gritty and crime ridden yet loads of fun and good lax. At 6'3" 200 he is quite girthy and I think North Jersey girls could agree. His favorite spot in the summer is Normandy Beach, which is dangerously close to God's forsaken land, Seaside Heights. Chuck also has a 4.8 Uber rating (nice), he will often speak to the driver in their native tongue and give them compliments. On the field, he is a swiss army knife, he's shown the ability to bully his way to a spot to get a shot off and has shown the ability to shoot and finish with both hands. He is also a great passer but I've only watched film from Columbia and West Essex, where the best thing is the Drago family and their mom. Expect Killen to step into a bigger role in his senior season as a downhill dodging midfielder next year as Tyler Juhlin, luke knezovic, brad shuster, and Christian Schweiger all graduate as major point producers for the Pirates. He loves chicken parm pregame and spends lonely weeknights getting pizza at Star Tavern. Hit him up for a good time! GPA: 3.6 Can: Dougie Strength: 8.8/10 Speed: 8.3/10 Shooting: 8.0/10 Uber rating: 4.80 Overall: 86/100 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

A rumbling righty attackman out of Farm Country, Michigan, Jack VanEss is a dawg. He's committed to Hope College, which is 45 mins away from his blue collar hometown of Alto, MI. Hope is a virtually unknown D3 that actually wins their conference every year but plays teams such as Kalamazoo, Alma, Trine, and Calvin. Regardless, at 6'1" 200lb with the skillset he has, Jack will make an immediate impact for the Hope College "Dutch". Jack does a great job finding space off a slide or in unsettled situations to get open. He uses his size well to get off his shot, and with the box background that he has, he doesn't need much space to get it off. If he was from Maryland or Long Island he would be an Insidelacrosse 3 star and going to a midmajor D1. IL doesn't want to get their thongs dirty in buttfuck Michigan, that's why we are the premier source for lacrosse news and why Terry Foy has never been to Marbella. Girth: 9.3/10 Hockey TJ: 8.7/10 Shooting: 8.5/10 Off ball: 8.8/10 Linear speed: 8.0/10 Favorite Harry potter book: Half-Blood Prince Overall: 82/100 ⭐⭐⭐⭐ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

A fleet footed pole out of Detroit, Jack Szalanski plays like he's batshit crazy. Like the typa player to smash a redbull on his head and shotgun it pregame. Sprinkles smelling salts on his tp to give him that 'competitive edge'. He heard David Goggins say "Stay hard" and now takes a viagra every 6 hours to keep that hard on. No attackman should want to go near this guy. He guards guys out to the parking lot, plays aggressive on ball and has the athleticism to back it up. Always getting his paws dirty in on groundball scrums and arrived on gloves with well timed double teams and slides. Mfs say "can't have shit in Detroit" because of this guy. He loves it there so much hes going to Detroit Mercy, known shithole and bottom-of-the-barrel D1 program to get an shot at cracking Ckav high and late in a early season matinee vs the Fightin Irish. When he's not shooting 20 yd sidearm crankshots and chriping bums, he loves to pet dogs, listen to Rio da young OG, and hitting chest and tris. At chipotle, he likes double steak and no beans. Keep your daughters out of the motor city unless you want some little Szalanskis running around! On ball: 9.2/10 Athleticism: 8.8/10 Mullet: 8.9/10 IQ: 8.4/10 Rice purity score: 18 Grit: 9.2/10 Overall: 88/100 ⭐⭐⭐⭐ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

A pretty sick stallion out of Chattanooga Tennessee, William "Gaba" Goolsby is a classic southern defenseman. Athletic, strong, and has a gritty diet of strictly chipotle and raw eggs. He matches this with a niche and interesting taste in clothes. Playing at McCallie School, he gets some top notch competition, but also plays teams like "Linus School For The Blind And Deaf And Armless" and "St. Mary's School For Special People With Service Dogs". Goolsby has a tendency to fly out on late approaches but makes up for it with his athleticism and active stick. I'd say he projects as an LSM at the next level with his clearing ability and middle of the field prowess but saw some lockdown SSDM play that was menacing too. Overall, I chart him as a player with a lot of upside but also a great amount of ability already. Also could see him going to an SEC school and being a gritty MCLA goblin. Athleticism: 8.8/10 Stick: 8.1/10 Bench: 240 IQ: 8.0/10 Chipotle Order: 9.6/10 Chain: Untucked Overall: 84/100 ⭐⭐⭐⭐ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

Brendan is a true competitor. He dropped 9 points in his state chip game and reportedly rode a unicycle around the locker room postgame with a jester hat juggling broken shafts. He does whatever it takes to win, whether it be counting cards in a middle school high stakes blackjack game, or showing interest in vinyls to pull chicks. Pictured above are Brendan along with Colin Anderson, Patch Loxley, and Kelly Mulligan (patriot). Not pictured is Brendan's typical going out attire of knee length shorts and collared shirt, usually salmon but always a pastel. As a righty attackman, his bread and butter is a strong up the hash dodge and shot, and if not, he does a great job navigating the island and putting it top right most of the time. With a 3.7 unweighted GPA, he can read, sometimes write, and uses echolocation to detect cars in his blind spot. He just committed to Franklin & Marshall, so pour one up for BSchwalb tonight! Shooting: 9.2/10 Off Hand: 6.9/10 IQ: 8.0/10 Speed: 8.7/10 Haircut: 5.7/10 Passing: 8.4/10 Proximity to manasquan: 8.6/10 Overall: 85/100 ⭐⭐⭐⭐ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

This guy is a nailgun born and raised, reportedly committed to Denison after reading about them in our "Grittiest D3 Teams" article. He's disruptive on ball, smart off ball, and fundamental off the ground. He has a knack for sniffing out rollbacks and finds himself in the right place at the right time in transition. When not playing lacrosse, Luca likes to practice his karate skills on local trees, shrubs, and the homeless, walk barefoot in the grass, and observe trains. Luca has tried with no avail to bag a bird with his acapella singing ability, saying "If Salim can do it with a satchel..". He did bag a chick with "Wood you be my date at prom" after writing it with a sharpie on a 2x4 so I mean dude has something going for him. Expect him to have a breakout senior year, on and off the field. Speed: 8.1/10 On Ball: 8.8/10 IQ: 9.2/10 Shooting: 8.0/10 Calves: 9.7/10 Rizz: 7.7/10 Towne Deli order: 9.3/10 Overall: 87/100 ⭐⭐⭐⭐ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

Luke is your typical black cleated LSM, he'll crack you with a slap check then drop gloves when you touch him on the ride. His disruptiveness shows out the most and he seems to always live in the gloves. He's pale as fuck, probably due he comes from Michigan where the sun doesn't shine, but he also might just be albino. Luke isn't afraid to lay the boom despite his wirey 6'2" 165 lb frame, leads me to believe he has a huge sack. He's adept off the ground and wreaks havoc off the wings. Headed to Tampa, expect him to maybe get tan but definitely ski all summer. Hit stick ability: 8.6/10 Ground balls: 8.5/10 Likelihood to listen to King Von and wear a Shiesty as his pregame ritual 9.7/10 Bag of checks: 7.7/10 IQ: 8.3/10 Overall 88/100 ⭐⭐⭐⭐ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

Goalies have one job. See ball? Stop ball. How to stop ball? Fill the cage. Jimmy Caputo does just that. Coming in at 6'0" 400 lbs, Jimmy "Manatee" Caputo fills up the cage with his broad girthy frame and haltime Jimmy Johns meatball subs. His meat to sauce ratio is 600:1, take that as you will. A Farmingdale native, I'm bewildered that he isn't going to Umass. I'm sure Greg Canella was hitting his line but Jimmy was too busy hitting up some Long Island rockets. Don't ask me how Jimmy was good at volleyball but he was. He eats shots and gobbles . Typa dude your girlfriend says not to worry about. Jimmy is a domino worker's worst nightmare at 4am on a saturday and is banned from Chipotle bathrooms. Headed to Pace University this fall, expect him to be an immediate contender for the Setter's starting spot. Shot stopping ability: 8.2/10 Clearing: 8.6/10 Sprint speed: 6.0/10 Intimidation: 9.3/10 Girth: 9.7/10 IQ: 8.6/10 Buoyancy: 7.5/10 Chillness: 8.8/10 Ability to eat an entire  rotisserie chicken: 9.7/10 Overall score: 86/100 ⭐⭐⭐⭐ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!

A slick lefty hailing from Shuylerville New York, Hansen Peck is a unique talent. Have you ever heard of Shuylerville? I for sure haven't. According to ChatGPT, the top 4 things to do in Shuylerville are pick corn, eat corn, drink Busch and tip cows. he headed to Lawrenceville after spending a year at the prestigious Albany Academy and hasn't looked back. The 5'10" 155lb lefty gunslinger shows shades of Mac O'Keefe and Hunter Chauvette while sagging his shorts more than both of them combined. I watched him in the 2026 NLF championship, he got crushed high and late by a long island meatball then came back on and nailed a btb after regaining consiousness. Peck loves Kodak Black and no build fortnite. Also cleans up nice and is a girlfriend guy. Expect him to be a Big 10/ACC recruit come September 1st. Speed: 8.7/10 Shooting: 9.6/10 Passing: 8.6/10 IQ: 8.5/10 Haircut: 5.7/10 Sty: 8.8/10 Bicep strength and size: 6.7/10 Overall score: 91/100 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ DM us @upperdeckylax to get your own player evaluation!