Sorry for the long hiatus! Who knew they didn’t allow phones in rehab. Anywho my slut ex- wife Mellissa has the kids again… what that means: Franker’s Bachelor pad is in full affect #nosenachos and pussy 24/7. When I was in rehab, my bunkmate Jabari Ouedraogo gave me his special tea from his homeland. When I tell you this shit was better than the meth I did on that boy's trip to IBIZA back in 2018, I mean it. This shit made me see the future. Let me paint the picture in a few blurs: MDW at my mansion in Martha’s Vineyard #thanksdad, a half bag and a 30 rack of bohemian beers, three pre rolls of alaskan thunder fuck, and sone college lax on the tv and maybe Sugar from Ricks Cabaret (depends how horny I am).  I mean I’ll tell you I'm hot on the boys from Manayunk right now… I tuned in for the A10 championship against Richmond and the boys were on fire. Levi “gorilla cock” Anderson arabian-goggled the fuck out of Richmonds defense having 7 goals and 2 apples. Rumors were circulating that after the game he took the bus back with Richmond and slept at the Theta’s house. Students were saying the house was shaking like a level 7 earthquake… I must say impressive work Levi. This team is the most underrated team in the tournament right now, nail guns up and down the roster, this group of guys doesn’t let their sunday mornings ruin their saturday nights that's for damn sure. I think the Hawks are gonna get it done against Lars Tiffany and his pretty twink lover boys. UVA is going soft, I saw Connor “King Twink” Shellenberger at lunch the other day, he sighed then said “ive been good this week” and proceeds to order a lemon loaf. Shellenberger really is the type of dude to say “zooweemama” when a chick sends him some titty pics. #figureitout. Anyways I think the Hawks win this game by 3 don’t call me crazy. Levi “newport destroyer” Verch is man among kids when hes out on the field, i've heard he throws in 6 zyns and drinks a fifth of rumplemintz before every game… fucking Candians man. The hawks need a huge game out of Gavin “vein god” Tygh and I think he will come through. Personally I think the HAWKs should shorty shut Payton Cormier… the kid just doesn’t like running (obviously) and will probably get pissed off at half and order door dash. I hope Truitt told his rocket of a gf to not come to the game, the SJU Hawks will swarm her worse then a adolescent rabbit. Speaking of adolescents… hit puberty Truitt. All i'm saying is the HAWKS are gonna shock the world, don’t call me crazy. When they do, it will be a great night at Cuddies (the place might burn down). THWND

Holy Fuck, just got done my first ever parent teacher conference over at Taft, talk about brutal. So what my degenerate son said a few racial slurs, so what about "inclusion" and "diversity". Looks like the JV lacrosse program isn't getting any donations this year.... Also lets talk about how this place is 75 grand a year and my son can't even spell. Thank god I left that cumdumpster called Goldman Sachs and joined Blackrock (so many more young blondes). Anyways let's get into these rankings:  1. Army - Talk about a wagon. These guys are firing on all cylinders, tough lost against Boston University but the boys will bounce back. They got UNC on Saturday, rumor has it they're gonna turn this place into a parking lot. Jake Morin is an absolute nail gun, heard this guy kills 30 racks of busch apples post win (has a secret stash under his bed). Also get this guy a tinder premium account (UNC has a few blonde nuclear missiles on their campus).  2. Boston University - Huge win against Army, their good stand-up classic dudes. However one too many Rum and Cokes and a little too much time spent at Ned Divine's this fall, furthermore these boys will make it to the Patriot League Chip will probably run into Army.  3. Loyola - Don't have too much to say about these guys, they seem like good pals. Idk whatever.  4. Colgate - Sneaky team. Few nail guns. Too much time on the slopes. (good team edge) 5. Bucknell - Decent dudes, decent school. Heard Alpha Delta has this team by the balls. Figure it out fellas.  6. Navy - Wanna be Army, give it a few years guys.  7. 8. Lehigh and Lafayette (Tied)- Basically the same school, I still can't tell the fucking difference. These two teams should probably just join and build a "super team" (they would still get smoked by Army lol) Holy Cross - Rather watch the children of the poor play lacrosse. Might walk out of my office in NYC, go to the closest sporting goods store, buy a few sticks and start handing them out to the homeless and watch them play. I think the boys over at La Roche led by star freshman midfielder Lebron James would give these guys a game and they're averaging 1.67 goals a game.

Penn State has a great chance of winning the Big Ten this year, the team is just loaded with good dudes up and down the roster. I will tell you one thing… If this team keeps on sleeping with Alpha phi’s and Kappas and they stay out of the women's lacrosse and field hockey house this Team will walk away with the Big 10 Chip. Had the opportunity to watch their game against Ohio State and I have three major takeaways.   1. The Nittany Lions are OSU Daddies (pretty sure I saw Coach Myers shiting his pants at half)  2. Pelke’s mom is a fucking missile ( I’m praying someone is hitting that right) (she could get it, shes hotter then almost every girl at Ohio State) Heard at the team tailgates last year Bobby Van Buren would stand behind her and smell her hair. Idk whatever, guess it's a homeschool thing.  3. Will Costin's pass made me and my co-workers from Black Rock jizz our pants.  Anyways PSU offense looked good: Uncle Tj and Matt “Third leg” Traynor look awesome, shoutout Mac Costin hopefully he ended up in a Kappas bed or at PMAN’s… either works tbh. Glad to see a little D-mid goal from Grandpa Haus! I heard Posey post win was running around in the locker room in that tight weird ass costume that he is always posting on Instagram… rumor has it he takes 4 Rhino pills before every game and stares at a Picture of Joey Spallina… kid wants to be Brett Makar so bad, give it a rest.