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Ford's Weekend Wrap Up



For those that followed Nescac lacrosse, it was a tough but hella interesting weekend. Some great teams lost, some great teams won, and I'm on my lunch break snorting some party powder, about to run a train on the secretary with the rest of my floor.


Amherst was just about to beat Tufts on Bello field, when they decided to choke harder than that dutch escort I was with while I went on a business trip to Amsterdam.  Bob Gross had a hatrick and Brendan Riley had 4, and the amherst offense was absolutely dialed the fuck in.  They definitely were bumping the Automatic X levels in their headphones beforehand.  Unfortunately, Charlie Tagliaferri and the rest of the Tufts guys didn’t wanna see anyone else mucking the boxes of their fugly birds in Boston and put an end to that real quick in the fourth.  I could see the light fading from Brendan Rielly’s eyes when he realized he wasn’t gonna be taking some 6 and her just as mid, but just as slutty friend back to his hotel.  But don’t worry Amherst, you guys didn’t really miss out. Getting a blowie from a Boston girl is comparable to sticking your johnson in a paper shredder, so if anything, you guys were the real winners Saturday.  


Trinity was dominating until the second half, and then Midd decided to turn up the heat.  Shit happens sometimes.  I almost never say this but thank god Naomi talked me out of putting The Reel Deal on this game.  I saw Dave Campbell and Gus Brakeley putting some suspicious substances in the Trinity water bottles, so it checks out that they fell apart after the half.  And everyone knows Midd LSM Henry “Trenbolone” Tarr is a total juicehead, even though he said he’s currently cruising at the moment.  The ‘Cocks will booze this one away, and come back with what I think will be a hard fought dub over Amherst, and a tournament appearance.  Bo “Jordan Belfort” Page had a solid game and has been Trinity's best player this year every single game. I think he is a serious contender for Nescac rookie of the year. These guys can make a run in the Nescac tournament, and if they stay locked in these guys will be looking forward to an at-large bid.  Russell Thorndyke and Chill Bill Curtis are still beauties, it's a shame that they chose to waste their talent at Midd.  One year left for them to transfer to Trinity though and compliment Bo Page at attack.


Bowdoin vs Wesleyan: Tough loss for the dirty Pbears.  EB still won most of the faceoffs because he’s a nailgun, but respect to Jackson Tinari for giving him a good fight.  Jack Raba is man built for others, one geno, 3 apples.  James Bailey evenly balanced 2-2, his goal in the third quarter was absolute filth where he bulldozed his defender and hit top shelf.  DJ Dixon, had 4 genos and 1 helper. Stud. The J in DJ stands for Jonny Sins.  The Wesleyan offense slayed more beave Saturday night than a Canadian fur trapper in the 1800s. 


 Meanwhile Will Byrne was busy dragging his sack over his defender, with 4 genos and only one was assisted.  Can’t wait to see what he does against Tufts.  Just like Trinity, the Pbears boozed this one away, and I’m expecting them to tear it up in Boston.  It’s a weekday game, and the fellas won’t be trying to ruin their weekend prematurely by diving into the Boston bars.  Good strat on their part.


Carmelo Higgins wasn’t on the field for Conn, and I think that was the reason they lost.  He deserves more burn, and I heard he had a heck of a night with some coast guard academy barrack bunnies after.


Williams beat Colby, but that didn't surprise me much. RJ's role has diminished as he didn't score in that game, which isn't great to see, but another stud out of NJ Gavin Timoney is rising to the occasion. I want to see this group of nailguns pull it together this year and make a run in the Nescac tourney, but it will be tough considering that the birds in Williamstown are nonexistent, and Coach Mccormick doesn't think they earned the privilege of Peruvian escorts. I think it's a real toss up against Midd this Wednesday, and should honestly be one heck of a game. Patrick Gaul will lock down whoever he's against, so either Curtis or Thorndyke are going to be taken out of the game completely.


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