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The Pride of the MCLA


The time has come gentlemen. It’s time to dive in to the greatest beer league in sports history. The MCLA is a league designed for those who are very talented lacrosse players, but have the motivation of a 95 year old bed ridden war vet and the academic ability of inner city kid somewhere in Chicago. Granted there are about 5 kids who could have maybe played D1 and should definitely be D3 and the rest were told they were good by their parents. You want to party but still keep a twig in your hands? You want to hookup with chicks ferda and play wall ball against Rose Library ferda? Look no further, go to James Madison University.


I’ve been in contact with a player named Connor Rice and this kid should be playing at a high end D3 school. However, this kid chose cigs and Busch lights ferda and wheels maybe 30 girls per month. That’s club lax for ya. Kid always has his mitts and wand with him ready for a wall ball sesh on campus. Rumors are that he eats spaghetti using an old faceoff twig from his youth days. Patagonia sweaters and khaki Birddogs with a steezy pair of Adidas Stan Smith’s, that’s Connor for ya.


Outside of Connor we have Jonathan Durette. He’s like the Jimmy Garropolo of the MCLA but talented on the field too. Guy is always buzzin with a cig in his ear and Bootleggers around his waste. His best quality? His jawline. My 7-year-old daughter asked me to order a poster of his student ID to hang up in her room. Talk about a way to ruin a vacation on the beaches of Monaco!!!Jonny boy, she’s too young you big rascal!!! An anonymous source told me all he does to add birds on his roster is stand on an elevated surface and simply say “Bardownski cheddy ferda I play lacrosse.” One of those guys you look at and think, how can I implement his style into my life. Another guy who is ripping wall ball during every class.


Next, we have the president, Owen Willison. Gotta be the most lacrosse last name ever. Hey Owen, how's your dads hedge fund doing? Is he currently in the house next to me at the Cape? How are his summers down in Bora Bora? Great family lineage here. His brothers, Tanner, Colten, Braylen, and Holden all look to be MCLA athletes in the future. Our source said this guy struggles on the field, but off the field man are we impressed. Is he an alcoholic? Is it all he thinks about every single day? No boys it’s the alcohol that is obsessed with him. Mad Dogs can’t help but be attracted to this kid. The weather app is constantly open when this kid is at parties. Booze and boys, all this guy needs for a good time.


Last is Taylor Devlin. No way this kid has any athletic ability, but he is what defines the team culture. All about having fun. This 9th year athlete is no longer eligible to be on the field, but he could a one man bench chirp squadron. You just know he gets yelled at by Owen to shut up cause he is calling the other team obese and a bunch of pigeons. Currently majoring in African History, this kid should be signed by a PLL team just to strike fear into opposing players hearts. I’d like to think the Death whistling song from Puss in Boots plays in the background when he wakes up. One of those guys who signed up for the team just to add some more birds to his roster.


Overall, this team is filled with studs, I read up their roster and saw last names like Magnusson and O’Hanley and just have that feeling that these boys were born to be lacrosse players. Some very clean jerseys that definitely came from a donation made by Owens dad, be wary of the purple, black and white.


I think they’d beat a team like Canisius ferda.


Cheers fellas,

Greg.

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