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Staff weekend preview: Cuse UVA, Taft Deerfield, Maryland Hopkins, and more

What a Saturday ahead of us, lots of rivalry lacrosse and 4/20 for those who celebrate! Maybe we can get lucky and another drake vid will leak too. Enjoy this writeup from the whole staff, and enjoy the weekend fellas!


UVA vs Syracuse 2pm ESPNU

(Marcus Meadowcroft)

The wahoos head north this weekend to face the orange in a game with heater potential. Cuse finally has Pat March back from suspension and he’s been drafting man up plays for the past week in a darkness retreat. I think this game will be a shootout, with cuse coming out on top 16-14. The orange have emerged with a very consistent 2nd line midfield while UVA is only getting production out of their top 6, forcing Cormier to carry the load on his big strong handsome back. Expect Billy Dwan to hospitalize someone tomorrow, I love seeing cuse have a crease enforcer like the Grant Murphys and Tyson Bomberrys of years past. If the orange get a win in the Dome I will be posted up on by Euclid stairs in a black trenchcoat and matching fedora asking passerbys if they know Jordan Vincent.


UNC Notre Dame 11:30 AM ACCN(Chet Rutherfurd)

Tar heels travel to the shithole that is south bend for probably one of the biggest ass-kicking the ACC has seen this year. I expect this to be over probably around the third quarter, however, I'll always give the tar heels a chance when they have guys like PJ Zynsner and Owen "Pornstar" Duffy. Unc has shown they can compete and make games close like they did with Syracuse, however, they're going to need a large possession disparity because the Carolina defense is free fucking loot for Cousin Dobson. I'm going to go with ND dubbing 17-10 with Carolina getting some goals at the end to make it look not as bad, the Irish are pretty much unstoppable at this point, and if they are going to lose I don't see UNC being the team to beat them. Absolutely disgraceful to see the great PJ Zynsners last year just being wasted by that scumbag Breschi.


UMD vs Hop, 4pm ESPNU (Tanner McCormick)

Like me after a Saturday night of Jack and cokes, one thing you need to know about Hopkins is that they can’t finish. This game is gonna be a close one and I’m predicting overtime. I don’t believe Russell Melendez has dropped a new song recently so expect him to be completely silent in this one. Maryland will edge Hopkins at the X with Wierman, and I’ll give them the advantage in net too, sorry Chayse but McNaney’s reflexes are just so fucken dialed from all that blow. Hop probably has the better 6 in terms of star power on offense but Maryland’s offense plays so well together as a unit that it will cancel out. Both squads have solid defenses but I see this matchup being decided on offense and at the X. Expect a gritty game from both sides, they fucken hate each other and with it airing on ESPNU you don’t wanna miss it. Planning on grabbing a slab of Modelo bottles and getting completely hornswoggled for the biggest rivalry in lacrosse. Roll Terps. 🐢


Taft at Deerfield, 3:30 PM (Greg Swisher)

Yes usually you’ll see an army preview from me, but let’s be real, Bucknell is in the shitter this year. Still love them, but army should be able to gape with ease.

We’ve been lacking in the HS department this year so it’s time to start recognizing some future degens. This should be a heater plain and simple. Both top 25 teams in the nation expect Buananno and the boys in green to come out firing. Guy loves spanking his monkey and double chicken ritos. Stud Alex Rolfe (army commit) is similar to the Iron Dome we’re seeing in Israel currently. I’ve heard his training routines include jelqing with strawberry yogurt, and Pilates classes with his teacher Maximillian. Love that shit. Sotirhos and Benny wood have done enough fent to murder 13 Cherokee warriors. On the Taft side of the ball, unfortunately, a lot of them are committed to an Ivy League school. Can still mention Brendan Mullahy and luke Jamin, they both love mucking beav on Tuesdays and selling crack to vulnerable folk. Quinn whipple is a stud but I will have to hate him once he arrives at Penn(please transfer). I’m expecting Deerfield to win but flip a fuckin coin for this one. Both teams are loaded but griffin schutz touches bag and he’s a Deerfield legend.

-Greg


Lehigh BU, 12pm CBSSN (Oswald von Bismark)

This game is a little under the radar this weekend but it is going to be an absolute clash of the motherfucking titans. Both teams are full of booze hounds and pantie droppers. Boston is coming off of a bad loss to Lafayette and Lehigh is coming off of a gritty win against Colgate. Based off of those results I’m going to take the Terriers in a close one, only if Coach Jack Rowlett is supplying baggies for all the guy’s left socks. Lehigh will keep it close but green out in the 4th. Downtown Boston is going to feel like 1774 all over again with the all booze being poured into the harbor. There is no taxation without representation at Nickerson Field this weekend.

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