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Marcus's week 5 player spotlight: Nicholas "Sonny" Imburgia, THE Binghamton University

This guy is fuckin Italian. Coming from one of the most prestigious high school academic institutions north of the Mason Dixon, the Pittsford Sunderland HS product is a perfect role model for young lacrosse athletes who aspire to be nelk, ferda, and beer.

Hailing from the greater Rochester area, all he knows are wife beaters, busch light apples, marby reds, and nailing livestock on the nearby farm. Otherwise, boys from Roc vegas enjoy utilizing Tinder to get laid at local colleges like Fisher and Naz, just not RIT. Heard from a good friend that RIT students are either deaf, virgins, deaf virgins, or lacrosse players. Probably why RIT lax is so fuckin gross, their 41 year old Canadian JR a champion who can't read or write is too busy playing wall ball without the distraction of a breedable woman within the confines of campus. However, if they do try to rizz up broads, the chicks get confused and sign language "I'm deaf you cunt" in their face. I've gotten a little off topic here, so let me pack a zyn and get back to it.

Sonny Imburgia. 5'11, 170, but plays like a pitbull. Drinks like a fuckin beluga whale, and leaves a pack of darts in his locker for pregame, postgame, and occasionally halftime if he really needs it. Word on the street is that he chose Bongampton to continue his academic and lacrosse career after smoking a j with the assistant coach and getting some dome from a Tri Delt chick on his official visit. He's logged 11 points on the season, but that isn't what makes him great. Heard this guy was close with former Bing players Kevin "Wank me off" Winkoff and Teddy "Dildo currently in my rectum" Dolan. They were so close that they may or may not have had a foursome with a local milf after beating NJIT last year. Also heard Sonny has Matt Gibson-esque handles, but got limited burn because of his occasional habit of tripping off shrooms right before practice. Needless to say this guy contributes to the team but also lives a life worth living. Cheers Sonny!

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