My cock was pointed to the fucking sky this weekend seeing these ivy league teams fall like trees in the amazon.
Cornell? Played hung and gave Penn State a gooch lick.
Brown? Got touched up by UNC but without 7 of their guys #freebrownlacrosse.
Harvard? Got fondled by the team up north, pretty embarrassing.
Princeton? Lost in the shithole NJ Cup to Rutgers.
Yale? Beat Denver but like Yale is actually good.
Dartmouth? Still undefeated but who the fuck cares.
And Penn, got castrated by Villanova, the true kings of PA. Nova has been playing incredible lax as of late, and probably could go undefeated the rest of the way out. This game was great, back and forth the whole way. Nova came out hot, and Penn answered, but the Cats were too good. Matt "Bud Light lime" Campbell had 2g 1a, essentially pulling his drawers down and teabagging the goalie every shot. My colleague Ozzy Von Bismarck saw him over the summer in cape may with a rocket blonde, so we can confirm this guy fucks. Luke Raymond, Patty Daly, and Austin Fraser all dropped a goal and an assist for the Cats. Matt Licata had a casual game winner and gave the Penn goalie a fucking facial after he had 21 saves with the team on his back. Brody LaPorte ripped a pole goal for nova, everyone go check out his music @brockmusic__ on ig . Sam Handley was probably listening to his shit pregame as he shot 100% for the first time maybe ever (on only 2 shots). Nonetheless Reid Colwell had him in his pocket all game limiting Handley to just 2 shots total, and 1 was a mickey mouse ass goal. Maybe we can all learn something from Cousin Reid and drink more diet snapples. He had 3 CTO's and 4 gbs, and I have word that he lost his virginity! Congrats Reid! His off field success is leading to on field production, and I fucking love it. Like I said, Villanova has gotten the tough part of their schedule out of the way and should be cruising the rest of regular season. Also, if you haven't already, join the UpperDeckyLax bracket challenge for your chance to become a sponsored Upper Decky athlete.